Sorrow Without Regret
Satan has some nasty tricks to keep a person locked up in sin. One of them is through being sorry for what you've done. It is all so close to a step in the right direction, but Satan diverts it. "The sorrow of the world produces death," Paul tells us. That is because you condemn yourself but you can't make yourself do something about it.
It could be the fear, cowardice, in facing people as something a bit less that what you were. It could be the unwillingness to forgive yourself for what you've done. It could even be the lack of faith that declares God would never want me after what I've done to him.
But each of those are lies. You can be brave. It is people who love you, not enemies, who have been looking for you to welcome home. You can leave your sins behind because you can control the decisions in your life. And oh you know God is waiting with open arms just for you! "And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him" (Luke 15:20).
"Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted" (II Corinthians 7:9-10).
I won't stop looking for you, my friend, waiting for the day we can walk through life and into heaven arm-in-arm.