We've reached the end of another month since you decided you didn't want help. It is a good time to think about how your life has gone.
- Are you happier?
- Are you pleased with what you are doing with your life?
- Are you looking forward to the future?
- Are you making the world a better place for yourself and those around you?
- Are you less controlled by Satan and his sins? Are you using less or more drugs and alcohol?
- If you died tomorrow, would you go to heaven? Would you be content with the life you lived?
- Would you want your neice or your furture son to live the life you are currently living?
The things I hear are always a bit dated since you continue your silence, but I know that while you've made progress it has been hard won because you chose the harder route. I know that your dad is using again, whether it is what he's always been doing (and the reason you decided to live with him) or whether your using was too much of a temptation, I have no idea. It is clear though that putting two drug users in one house isn't good for either one.
By this time of two months, if you had stayed, I would have expected you to still be bothered by mood swings and nightmares, though the episodes would be getting less frequent. You would have started having moments of clarity when you wonder how you could have been so dumb to go back to drugs. You would have made good progress on your physical training and looking forward to boot camp, which I'm guessing would have been scheduled early next year. While I would still be checking on you, the restrictions would be less as you developed safer habits. The cravings would still be strong, but you would start having periods where they fade. Even better, you, your family, and all your friends would know that you are improving. While all would be careful of your safety, all would be happy seeing you grow strong each day.
Though you've chosen the harder, longer, and riskier way, I look for the day I can see that you've made this much progress. Remember that the reason you are struggling right now with resisting using and getting along with your friends is because of the route you chose. Don't forget Wisdom's words:
"Therefore they shall eat the fruit of their own way, and be filled to the full with their own fancies. For the turning away of the simple will slay them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to me will dwell safely, and will be secure, without fear of evil" (Proverbs 1:31-33).