How do I let go of my girlfriend's past?


I am 21 and have been a Christian since I was 8, I am a virgin and plan to stay that way until I get married.

A while back I started dating a girl who I had met at church, she had only been a Christian for about a year and a half. I knew she had a past but I liked her a lot so I pursued her anyway. I had known and liked her for over half a year before we started dating and had continued to pray for God to make it obvious to me if I should pursue her. God made it clear and after our college group hangout one Friday night, I asked her to dinner and she said yes.

It quickly became obvious to me that this was a girl who truly loved the Lord. And even better, she told me that she had also been praying that about us for just as long as I had. She spends all day at work listening to sermons by great preachers. This girl was the whole package for me. She loved Christ more than I had ever seen in a girl, fun to be around, funny, and so beautiful I can hardly take my eyes off her.

I knew that she had a past, and after dating for awhile she broke down one night and told me that she was basically into drugs, sex, and alcohol for two and half years of her life. The drugs and alcohol do not bother me, but the number of guys she has been with sexually was shocking and really hurtful to me. The majority of the time, I get that God has forgiven me of so much and I am so grateful that God has brought her out of a lifestyle that was so offensive to Him. However, every once in a while I will have a couple of days where all I can think of is her with another guy sexually. I know it's wrong and I continue to pray and read my Bible, but it still hurts a lot sometimes. We love each other and plan to get married in the next year or so.

My problem is I know God has forgiven her, I also have. But how do I keep from having these miserable days where all I think about is her with another guy? Is this something that will continue after we get married? I have always had a problem with jealousy, and have come a long way, but this is just something that I am having trouble letting go of. I truly love this girl, and am afraid to tell her of my struggle because I do not want to hurt her anymore than her past already has.


Whether her past continues to haunt you is really up to you. God looks at who a person is, not their past.

"But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?" says the Lord GOD, "and not that he should turn from his ways and live? But when a righteous man turns away from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and does according to all the abominations that the wicked man does, shall he live? All the righteousness which he has done shall not be remembered; because of the unfaithfulness of which he is guilty and the sin which he has committed, because of them he shall die" (Ezekiel 18:21-24).

Christians are to cultivate the same attitude. She turned her back on that life of sin. It was who she once was, but not who she is today.

Why be jealous of all those losers she was once with? Not one of them won her heart. Not one of them does she consider to be husband material. It is you who she is in love with and in part it is because of the values you represent and your strength of character. She sees in you a man she is willing to follow (Genesis 3:16). You are not in competition with the guys of her past, they aren't even in your league.

Consider this another exercise in further conquering your jealous streak.

If you are concerned about your inexperience with sex, you are welcome to call and we'll discuss these matters. My guess you'll be better at sex than anyone in her past because you'll treat her with respect and not be focused on your own desires.

Thank you so much for the response! I was hurting and started searching the Internet for help. God led me to your church's page. Your answer was exactly what I needed to hear. Looking through your Q and A, I am amazed that you would be willing to take the time to answer so many questions from people that you don't even know.

The duty of a preacher is to teach and I enjoy interacting with so many people.