Can I remain in my marriage and be forgiven?


I have a question. About 20 years ago, I was married to a guy I had met, dated and had sex with beforehand.

After about two years of marriage, I was very unhappy and depressed. One day my husband at that time brought one of his co-workers home to give us an animal. Basically he showed him the way to our house you might say. Over the next few months the guy, who is now my husband of nearly 19 years, became very acquainted with me and we fell in love. We both knew this wasn’t really right, but my husband at that time practically pushed us into forming a bond. The three of us went on picnics, had barbeques and such. After about several months, my first husband came right out and confessed to his best friend that he thought we should be together! He even secretly taped us outside talking over hot dogs and salad on the picnic table. We later discovered that he was whispering on the tape, saying things like, ”They should be together. They are made for one another.” He made other gestures as well pertaining to why we should get together right to our faces! He would invite him over and then leave us to talk.

Eventually we decided to meet in secret to talk about his actions and our true feelings came out. We both confessed that we had fallen in love with one another but didn’t know what to do. My now husband wasn’t religious, but he didn’t believe in taking another man’s wife away from him. So a little more time went on and my first husband just practically admitted he wasn’t happy and hadn’t been in a long time, even before he introduced me to his friend!

I told him I wanted a divorce. I had watched my own mother and father stay miserable all their married lives, and I just wasn’t going to live the same life. My first husband agreed to the divorce, even congratulating my now husband that he could have me! He told him he couldn’t make me happy and that he was unhappy himself.

I was raised in a Christian background and knew adultery was wrong, but I guess at that time I didn’t fully understand the consequences, so we ended up having sex. I pursued the divorce and remarried just 3 days after it was final.

Every marriage has it’s ups and downs and even though we always loved and certainly do still love each other now. We have sucessfully made it through almost 20 years of marriage, and each year seems better than the last.

My question is this: After reading numerous posts on your site, I keep reading where the Bible says that one cannot marry another except that the spouse committed adultery, but it was me that committed that sin. I find it hard to believe I cannot be forgiven according to the Scripture in I Corinthians 7:11. I have just began to really learn God's word and am currently under conviction to do right. Let me add that I do definitely know God is and has worked with me for awhile now. He showed me through the Word a couple of years ago that my involvement in the occult and witchcraft was very wrong. I had never known what the Word said about such things. I have also quit doing lots of other sinful things, such as drugs, hating people, and simply just sinning. I feel like I have came a long way but, yes, have a longer way to go. I am certain my heart is in the right place. I want to continue to get to the Word, accept Jesus Christ and live the best way I know how. My husband, who never was taught anything practically about God’s Word, is now learning things too. So, again, is there not a way we can live a rightous life together, once we both have accepted Jesus and applied the teachings and learnings of the Bible?  

Thank you for your time.


Everyone can be forgiven. The point that you are stuck at is that you do not wish to give up your sin; in fact, you are convinced that you are not currently in sin, even though you acknowledge that you broke God's law.

That your first husband encouraged you to commit adultery didn't excuse what you did. That he wanted and encouraged the divorce didn't make the situation right. That you are learning the Scriptures to some extent and are making changes doesn't mean that partial change is good enough.

I am a teacher of God's Laws (I Peter 4:11). I cannot give out exceptions because I am not the law maker. I can only tell you what God has said. You have to decide whether you wish to listen to God or not.