Why do I no longer enjoy sex and hate men?


To whom it may concern,

I'm on my early 20's, and the purpose of this email is to ask for some honest advice. I am aware that the Internet is not the most proper site to ask for help, but I really don't have any source and I happened to see your site while I was navigating the net. I have strongly connected to God since I went through so many downs in my life. I made errors, and I asked for forgiveness. These days I feel like I don't deserve anything but pain. I am currently in a serious relationship; however, in my past I slept with numerous of guys and even did so for money. I no longer enjoy sex. My question is why can't I? Why do I feel so used? Why do I hate men so much?

Thank you for at least reading.


The problem is that you took something special and made it something common place and cheap. Steak is considered a valuable meal because its expense makes it only an occasional treat. Hamburger is less valued because it is inexpensive and so becomes a part of many meals. God designed sex to be something that is reserved for a husband and wife to express their intimacy and to bring children into the world to be loved. You took what as a valued gift given after solemn vows and sold it to anyone who would pay or just gave it away. You gave it no value, and so it no longer has value to you. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). Even now you hint that you are still giving sex away because your current boyfriend wants it.

It isn't that it can't be regained, but you are going to have to start valuing yourself more. Even more importantly, you need to value God more. Right now you are ignoring God's laws, and you're surprised that damage has occurred because of it. God's laws aren't arbitrary. They serve to benefit the followers. "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments of the LORD and His statutes which I command you today for your good?" (Deuteronomy 10:12-13). Don't make it just words. Put God's laws into your heart and practice them. Then you'll find your views healing.

Your currently relationship might not survive your change. You need a man who values you as a person and not as a cheap way to have sex on demand. Such men exist, but you won't find them through sex.

Thank you so much for getting back to me. I really do appreciate your response. Everything that you said is certain really meaningful to me. I will make the change for myself because I do value my life and I want to be happy as I used to be.