While we haven't had sex, we've been sexually involved with each other. How do we stop?


My boyfriend and I are very much in love, but I am afraid to say we have had sexual contact with each other. It is very sad because we both have grown up knowing the love, power, and grace of God. I feel lost. We didn't actually have "sex" as the world defines it, but we did things that I know God is not proud of and is against His Holy Word. We keep telling each other that we are going to stop, and no doubt have I repented, but it seems that we can't defeat this sin!

My questions are: Even though I love him with all my heart. Why do I help him sin? Do I really not love him? Also, do you think that my boyfriend and my relationship can recover, we can get back on the right track, and have God the main focus in our relationship, or is there no turning back? We have tried so many times to stop, but we haven't. I don't see the light at the end of this tunnel. But I don't know how I would see myself without my boyfriend. Do you think I need to end this relationship?

Please help.


"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13).

One mistake many people make is focusing on one sin while excusing what seems to them to be lesser sins. People understand that fornication is wrong, but they figure as long as the guy hasn't entered the gal, then things aren't that bad. What is overlooked is that if something is wrong, then the things that lead up to it are also wrong.

If you are committed to reserving sex for marriage, then sexually stimulating behaviors have to be reserved for marriage as well. Things like sexual foreplay fall under the term "lewdness" in the Bible. The Greek word translated as "lewdness" is aselgeia. It refers to shameless behavior, particularly in regards to sex. It is behavior that is involved in pure self-enjoyment or behavior characteristic of an animal. "Lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and I shall mourn for many who have sinned before and have not repented of the uncleanness, fornication, and lewdness which they have practiced" (II Corinthians 12:21).

If that behavior is wrong, then the start of that behavior, sexual touching, is also wrong. The Greek word haptomai means to touch, particularly in the sense of holding on. Thus, it doesn't refer to an accidental brushing against someone, but a purposeful touch or grab. In the context of I Corinthians 7:1 it is talking about the sexual touching between a man and woman, such as what goes on in foreplay, but it would also include the touching of genitals. "So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:29).

Wanting to do such things and justifying that it would be acceptable, at least this time, is called lust. It too is wrong. "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man" (Mark 7:21-23). You cannot be justifying sin in your mind and expect to avoid doing those same things later.

Since you say you help him sin, I assume that he is the primary instigator of these sexual romps. The fact of the matter is that you won't be successful avoiding sin if both of you are not determined to stay out of sin. "Do not be deceived: "Evil company corrupts good habits"" (I Corinthians 15:33). People can and do change, but whether you and he will be among them is something I can't answer. Something has to change between the two of you or this relationship will continue to go down hill. Already sex has become a dominant theme in your time together and it will only grow stronger at the rate you are currently going. Yet sex is never enough to hold two people together by itself. Thus, you are looking at a near certain break up unless you two get things back on track.

Thanks so much for your answer. It means and helps me a lot! I know we are going down the wrong path, and I am ready to turn my life around!

God bless you for taking time for others and helping them through it!