Where do you draw the line?


Well, I chatted with a friend who is a lesbian. She was drunk, so I'm not sure if what I said really impacted her or not. Anyway, I let go of my fears, told her that she could be forgiven for anything if only she would change, and told her exactly how I felt about what she's doing (though she wasn't surprised).

She said that she prays all the time for God to change her, and I told her that God wants her to change herself (I hope that wasn't wrong to say). What I meant was that He will help, but He wants us to make an effort too. We can't just be lazy about it. But she said that she isn't trying to belittle my beliefs, only that she wants me to just try to understand how she feels.

I told her that I was sorry, that I feel torn because I really want to just ignore that she's doing wrong and just be best friends again, but that I know I can't because of what the Bible says. Then I let her talk about herself, because I wanted to try to "understand" (hoping that I could figure out what had triggered this change in her). Apparently, this isn't a "change", that she has been this way for a very long time. I realize that God does not make people homosexual, but I'm curious as to what could have triggered this. Her parents sheltered her, and she never had a lot of friends. I was pretty much the only real friend she had for years. Also, the few men she did give a try weren't exactly the best kind of guys. One got her pregnant, and she ended up aborting the child. Oh, and she was raped when she was in her early teens.

Then she said something that made me feel extremely uncomfortable and weird. Before I say this, I will mention my friend and I have known each other since grade school, and that we constantly spent the nights at each others houses through elementary, middle, and some of high school. When we weren't spending the nights together, we were chatting over the phone and internet. Suffice to say, we were like family. So, she said that she used to have "feelings" for me, and I really don't know what to do with that kind of information. I don't know how I should react, whether I should be disgusted, horrified, depressed, or what. All I know is that it changes a lot, and that I now feel very weird when I think back on the memories of our childhood. I kind of feel sick when I think about it, and I don't rightly know if I could hang out with her anymore. I don't even know if I want to talk to her anymore.

What do you think I should do? Am I overreacting?


Your friend is playing the "victim" card. She claims she wants to change, but since God isn't changing her, then she is a victim of circumstances. This is a common stance among homosexuals as they don't have to face the responsibility of the choices they have made.

She is also rewriting history. Most people do this. They take things as they currently stand and then interpret the past to fit the present. She claims to always been lesbian, even in grade school. In general, that cannot be true. Children are not sexually aware until they hit puberty. For some, sexual ideas are forced onto them by others, but one of the reasons these things are so traumatic for a child is that their minds and bodies are not yet prepared for sexual feelings. I think she is rewriting history and declaring that her feelings of friendship were sexual feelings.

Notice that you did prove that something changed. She used to go out with guys. She was lousy at picking guys, but her interest at one time was heterosexual. Likely, instead of admitting that she made mistakes, she has retreated to the defense that she never liked guys.

The reason for your discomfort is that she is hitting on you. She isn't willing to leave her sins, so she wants you to join her. Probably because that takes the pressure off of her. If you do it, then she can't be so bad.

I tell people that when someone of the opposite sex solicits you for sex, you need to run for the hills. It is a dangerous situation because when sexual passions are aroused, people don't think clearly. "My son, if sinners entice you, Do not consent" (Proverbs 1:10).

The two of you had good times together as friends, but the two of you chose different paths. You encouraged her to come out of her sin. You did your best and explained her options well. But she is inviting you to join her in sin. What you had in common is no longer there. That is sad, but it does happen. It is time that you moved on. "Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals"" (I Corinthians 15:33).