Does a wife have to stay with a hurtful and abusive husband?


I don't know what to do. I am a member of the church and I know that I have to be submissive to my husband, but he does some things that aren't very nice. He only wants oral and anal sex. He says that I have to do it because the Bible commands it. He also pinches me and spanks me for his own pleasure. I know I have to do these things because the Bible says I have to satisfy him sexually. I also know I cannot divorce him because there is no adultery. I don't want to go to Hell, but I don't want to be humliated and hurt all the time either. He loves me, there is no abuse, and I love him, but I don't know what to do to stop the kinky sex.


I've held off answering this because it doesn't come across as truthful. I've left out the wilder portions of the original note.

God does not require a wife to be humiliated or hurt by her husband. "So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church" (Ephesians 5:29). "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered" (I Peter 3:7).

The Bible does not command that a wife has to have oral or anal sex with her husband. Anal sex is harmful: see "Is anal or oral sex between a married couple a sin?" You say there is no abuse, but you also say you are hurting. Your husband is not behaving properly and needs help. Insist that he get it. You don't have to be harmed for his sexual pleasure.

Well, it is the truth and there is a lot more I didn't put in the original question. I'm not divorcing him because I don't think it is right, but it is true. Not all men are good and not all women are wrong because they pick the wrong mate. I never thought he would have acted like this. I thought I was marrying a good, righteous man and he has a very scary idea of what sex is.

The choice of whether to go or stay is your own. I want you to understand that God is not forcing women to stay in an abusive relationship. Just understand that if you chose to leave because of his sins, it doesn't give you the right to marry another man. "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife" (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I would strongly suggest that he get counseling regarding his behavior because, as you describe things, he won't make it to heaven.