I blew it again. What do I do?


Here is my problem:

I was in a very distracting and painful relationship that totally drew me away from God. The relationship ended with me close to suicide. I couldn't understand how this could be because I loved this person very much. I moved to a different country because the pain was too much and I decided to start afresh. I started to return to the Lord, and I prayed furiously that the Lord will give me a good boyfriend. I prayed this prayer for five years. I remained single. At some point the devil lied to me that I was getting old, no boyfriend, and I was the only one of my friends who is not married and have no one to spend my days with. I began to doubt the Lord, and at that time i was also going through financial difficulties. My parents were struggling at home with no money for food. I didn't have enough money to make ends meet. The devil once again lied to me, and a married man came into my life. He was sweet, loving and even gave me money to ease the pain back home and make ends meet here. I believed that God had sent him to me because he has made things a little easier, and I felt happy to be with him. While all this was happening, I had forgotten my prayer of a good single man. This man appeared in my life from out of the blue and something hit me to say, "Here is your breakthrough." Because I sinned against the Lord and drew away from him, I totally have messed up with my breakthrough by having sexual intercourse with him -- something I did not want to do, but it happened so fast. Now I am confused and afraid that He will judge me for what I am not. Maybe my mind is racing and the devil is trying to get any opportunity to use me. I am fighting to stick with God because it feels like everything now is a total mess.

I remember five years ago praying for a good man, now he thinks the worst of me, and I don't really want to go through the hurt again. I almost took my life because of the hurt, and I don't want to feel that way again, ever.

Please help me take this problem to Jesus and trust that it will be OK.


I don't know why you are considering suicide. It won't solve this problem and since it is a sin, it will definitely leave you facing hell. Sins can be forgiven, but not if you aren't around to repent of them. "But if a wicked man turns from all his sins which he has committed, keeps all My statutes, and does what is lawful and right, he shall surely live; he shall not die. None of the transgressions which he has committed shall be remembered against him; because of the righteousness which he has done, he shall live. "Do I have any pleasure at all that the wicked should die?" says the Lord GOD, "and not that he should turn from his ways and live?"" (Ezekiel 18:21-23).

Satan has been taking advantage of your desperation. "Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren" (James 1:13-16). Because you are so wrapped up in finding someone to marry, he sent a man into your life who wasn't right. You ignored the fact that he was married because you wanted a companion. You were having difficulties and he offered you money. With sweet talk and some cash, he talked his way into your bed. If he is still around, it is only because he plans to have you as his mistress.

Twice now you've picked the wrong men for the wrong reason. It might be that you haven't found the right man because you aren't ready. "You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures" (James 4:3). It is time to grow up and take responsibility for your actions.

You committed adultery. Like any sin, it can be forgiven. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (I Corinthians 6:9-11). Seek out God to live by His commandments and not your misleading feelings.

Next, you have to learn to be content with life as it is instead of constantly trying to force it into how you think it ought to be before you are happy. There is nothing wrong with asking God for help in finding a good man, but in the meantime enjoy life as a single woman. "Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:11-13). The change in your attitude will change how you appear to others. Then you'll find that the good men will be interested in you because you are a peaceful and contented woman. Without that change, you will be prey for every con man who is looking for an easy woman to bed.

Thank you for the Bible verses. I am going to go through them today when I manage to get some prayer time alone. Thank you for the response