How can I help my boyfriend with his sexual desires?


I'm 25 years old and a Christian. I am in my first relationship as a Christian. My boyfriend is a backslider. We had sex once. I know it was wrong. I repented and I believe God has forgiven me. I am not going to do it again until we are married. I have downloaded your chapters for him about sex before marriage and foreplay, etc. My question is: How can I help him with his sexual desires?


May I suggest that you are asking the wrong question? If you understand that sex belongs in marriage (Hebrews 13:4), then you can't help him with his sexual desires until after you are married.

"Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (I Corinthians 7:1-5).

Paul wrote this passage specifically about sexual desire. One of the drives toward marriage is sexual desire; therefore, in marriage each partner is there to help the other with his or her sexual drive.

Since you are not married, you cannot help him with his sexual desire. But you can help him with his self-control. When I teach young people about sexual matters, I give extra emphasis to the young men that they are responsible for where a relationship goes sexually. Everyone must practice self-control, but the weight of responsibility lies on the shoulders of the men.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law" (Galatians 5:22-23).

When your boyfriend weakens in the face of temptation, it is your responsibility to place limits. Insist on being treated with respect and not like a sexual plaything. Don't see how close you can get without having sex, rather emphasize that you are your husband's prize after you are married. Don't dress provocatively. Insist that you limit or eliminate opportunities where you could have sex, such as not being at his home or he at yours when no one else is around.

Since you state that he is not living the Christian life at the moment, I should warn you that he might not appreciate your help. Not having talked to him, I don't know what his goals are. He might not be looking for marriage but more opportunities to have sex with you. In such a case, you will have to make up your mind what is more important to you: being pleasing to God or being used by your boyfriend.

Thank you very much for your answer. I have decided to follow Jesus. To first seek the Kingdom of Heaven and His righteousness, and I know God will added the rest, as He promise us.

God Bless!