I found my husband locked in his bedroom with our daughter and only partially clothed. What do I do?


I really don't know where to go with this question, but having been a regular reader of your web site, I hope you can help.

My husband and I have a 10 year old daughter. We do not share a bedroom per his insistence. A few days ago I came home from work early and heard he and our daughter in his bedroom. The door was closed and locked as per usual and our daughter seemed to be in distress. I knocked on the door, and when my husband unlocked and opened it, our daughter was sobbing hysterically. In sorting out the problem it transpired that my husband, her father, had required her to remove her sweatshirt and bra so he could see her breasts. He had also required her to remove her underwear but fortunately I knocked on the door before she could comply with his orders. He was only dressed in his undershorts. Our daughter is beginning to develop physically and is very embarrassed and shy about her body.

My husband's excuse was that she, and I apparently, need to learn submission to his male authority and that whatever he says goes in this house. We are to accept his will in all things, including forcing our daughter to strip for him! He says God wants our compliance to him as the man of the house and to go against him is a sin. While I totally support the idea of female submission and silence, I cannot accept this behavior. My husband says this is no longer a topic that he will allow me to discuss with him and I am not being the submissive female, nor setting the right example to our daughter, that God wants if I don't allow him to do what he feels is best for our household.

Going to my home church is out of the question as the evangelist and elders hold to the same view that my husband does, that women should not speak unless spoken to first.
I suspect there may be child porn on his personal computer, but he keeps it locked with a security password in his locked bedroom so I don't know for sure.

Please tell me if you have any ideas of what I can do while still maintaining what God wants as my female submissiveness. Maybe there's nothing I can do.


I have a hard time believing this letter to be from a real mother. Where are your protective instincts? Bears seem to know more than you. "Let a man meet a bear robbed of her cubs, rather than a fool in his folly" (Proverbs 17:12). Your daughter is in danger and you are wringing your hands? This has nothing to do with submission. You don't submit to the devil. This is a creep who is demanding servitude to his sins. Worse, he pretends to be religious while violating God's laws against an innocent child, and his own daughter at that. Stop pretending you don't know what is going on.

  1. Get out of the house today with your daughter. There are plenty of shelters that will give you place to stay on a short-term basis.
  2. Contact the police and file a report and get a restraining order.
  3. Find a place to stay, such as with your parents.

I don't buy the claim that a church supports such behavior. Perhaps some of the wild cults out there, but I don't know of any church or denomination which would tolerate such behavior by its members. There is no command of God that states a woman doesn't speak unless spoke to first. So quit the pretense that there isn't anything you can do. If you don't do something you will be as guilty as your husband.