When the Excitement Dies
The early years of a marriage are filled with novelty. You get to learn all the little habits of your spouse. There is the enjoyment of sex and eventually the trials of being a parent. Yet after a while, you fall into habits. You tend to do things the same way because it takes less effort. You become comfortable and familiar with your spouse, so you assume things will continue without any additional effort on your part. In short, you get stuck in a rut.
Habits and familiarity take the fun out of a relationship. When you were first courting your spouse you did many things simply to make a good impression. These things shouldn’t stop just because you are married. You should continue to date your spouse for the rest of your life. I like the example of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 26:8. They were trying to pass themselves off as brother and sister, but they were found out because they were not behaving like a brother and sister. Would there be enough evidence to convince onlookers that the two of you are married when you are out in public?
Some habits are important. There should be a habit of expressing your love for each other. It does not have to anything major or expensive, but there should be a constant reminder of your devotion. Consider this beautiful poem:
Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.
And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, “Be my Valentine,” like all the years before.
Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
“I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow, with every passing year.”
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.
She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her husband’s favorite chair,
While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.
A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate,
With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door.
She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?
“I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,”
The owner said, “I knew you’d call, and you would want to know.
The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.
There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance, you’ll get them every year.
There also is another thing, that I think you should know,
He wrote a special card . . . he did this years ago.
Then, should ever I find out that he’s no longer here,
That’s the card . . . that should be sent, to you the following year.”
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.
Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote . . .
“Hello my love, I know it’s been a year since I’ve been gone,
I hope it hasn’t been too hard for you to overcome.
I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.
For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife.
You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it’s only been a year, but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.
When you get these roses, think of all the happiness
That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.
Please . . . try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,
When your door’s not answered, when the florist stops to knock.
He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt,
To take the roses to the place, where I’ve instructed him,
And place the roses where we are, together once again.
Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can’t stop;
Someone who makes you believe there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.
This is Forever Friendship.
Habits of expressing love are important, but novelty can also keep the spark of love burning bright. Do something different once in a while. Leave the kids with grandma and take a short trip with just you and your spouse. Plan a romantic dinner, take your spouse out to lunch, or find a gift you know your spouse had been wanting but won’t get just for himself or herself. Don’t tie the occasion to anything in particular. Do it just because you love him or her. It shouldn’t be just the husband’s plans either. You wives should surprise your husbands once in a while and pursue him for a change.