Q

Kim (age 14)

A

Fourteen and you have already decided how your life will play out. I'm nearly fifty and I can positively tell you that it is too soon to tell.

Let's start examining what you said. That you are not interested in guys at this point in your life is fine. Many girls aren't. In the Song of Solomon, there is an interesting comment made about how you can divide girls into two types. "We have a little sister, and she has no breasts. What shall we do for our sister in the day when she is spoken for? If she is a wall, we will build upon her a battlement of silver; and if she is a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar" (Song of Solomon 8:8-9). The poetic language might be a bit heavy, but brothers of a young girl who had not yet reached puberty were concerned about how to treat their sister when she reached marriageable age. They had decided that if she had strength of character and wasn't "guy hungry" they would work to enhance her beauty. If she was the type to chase guys and was "easy" they would work to protect her from herself. The lady they asked advice from is the heroine of the story, now married to King Solomon. She said, "I am a wall, and my breasts like towers; then I became in his eyes as one who found peace" (Song of Solomon 8:10). She said she was of the former class. She had no interest in guys and held them all off, that is until she met Solomon.

When I read your note, I see a young woman who is also a "wall." If you never run across a suitable fellow, you are quite willing to live without a man. That is a perfectly fine state. The apostle Paul, who never married, said, "For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:7-9).

But why, oh why, did you swallow the lies that your lack of interest in men at this point in your life means you are a lesbian? The two attitudes are not connected. I know the rumor mill is filled with the idea that homosexuality is genetically inherited, it even gets into the newspapers at times, but I've tracked down those studies and read them for myself. Not one of them states that homosexuality is inherited! The closest they have gotten is to say they have a suspicion that there might be a genetic disposition toward homosexuality. In other words, they have no confidence in the weak claim and are leaving themselves an out if they are proven wrong in the future. Worse, several of these studies have been shown to have been flawed (usually in their sampling) and when others tried to repeat the study they could not come up with the same answers. But because it is what people want to hear, that they are not responsible, they happily ignore the problems.

The Bible calls homosexuality a sin (I Corinthians 6:9-10). The Bible also says that sin is not inherited (Ezekiel 18:20). Instead, the Bible says that sin comes from choosing to break a law (Ezekiel 18:21-32). Therefore, the reason being ignored by everyone because it implies responsibility is that homosexuality is a choice people make.

Now Satan is trying to destroy the work of God. He works at making sin look appealing or hides sin under layers of deception. One of the lies I've seen him use is that if you think about something, then that is what you are. But think a moment, how could Satan tempt anyone with sin if he does not get them to first consider the sin? If homosexuality never entered your mind, would you ever be tempted by that sin?

James 1:13-16 tells us that Satan takes advantage of our desires to tempt us into committing sin. When you are young, you body develops sexual interest that did not exist before. In response, your brain, in trying to figure out how to use this new "toy," wires itself to all sorts of possibilities and then as experiences roll in, trims out the unused paths and strengthens the used ones. I know of one study that estimates that 50% of boys go through a phase of homosexual thoughts, though most don't act on them. I don't know of a study for girls, but I won't be surprised if it was similar. These thoughts are just result of too many connections in the brain when sexuality is brand-new. The inappropriate thoughts diminish as the person rejects the ideas.

The problem is that a few don't reject the thoughts. They toy with the idea and the more they think about it, the more it sounds appealing to them. It becomes a matter of lust for them -- a strong desire to do something that is wrong. Jesus labels such lusts as sin because the only thing stopping the person from actually committing the sin is the opportunity (Matthew 5:28).

But even when a person rejects a thought, such as homosexuality, because it involves a sinful action, there is a sneaky back door sin that Satan can plant in a person's mind -- doubt. "Do you have faith? Have it to yourself before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin" (Romans 14:22-23). If Satan is able to keep you from being certain that right is right, then you are more vulnerable to doing wrong things. I think this is the trap in which Satan has snared you.

I pray that you haven't acted on your thoughts, but that your fears come from your struggles. Even if you have, you can chose to turn around and do right just as a person can chose to turn and do sin. When bad thought come, have a list of good thoughts to replace them: pray for a sick friend, read you Bible, or go do a good deed for someone. It will take your mind off the topic and give you something pleasant to dwell upon. "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things" (Philippians 4:8).

Q

Ta'Shina (age 15)

Hey! I am almost 16 years old and I am a lesbian. I can remember when I was little maybe 5 or 6 even then looking at other girls in a sexual way. When I was 8 my cousins molested me and made it a little worse. I never acted upon it until 8th grade and I loved it. I have had sex over 58 times with one person. I go to church and pray. Why do I have to be like this? I don't want to go to hell. I have dated guys also. There are only a few that I can actually hang with, but it doesn't seem right for me to be dating guys. I'd really rather date chicks. I just don't feel right right with a guy. I don't know what to do because my grandfather is a preacher and my family is kind of religious on my mom's side and none of them approve of homosexuality. I don't know what to do.

A

It is apparent to me that you do know what to do, but you are having too much fun sinning to accept the idea of living righteously. Let's take this step by step.

You stated that you were looking sexually at girls at the age of five or six. Since puberty doesn't begin in girls until eight at the earliest, then what you are claiming is false since children do not have a concept of what sex is nor do they experience sexual urges. The only way this innocence is broken is by molestation or by being exposed to sexual matters early in life and even then children don't truly grasp the concept.

But you go on to state that you were molested at eight. I'm sorry that such a thing happened to you. Such things should not happen to any child. "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!" (Matthew 18:6-7). I hope that your parents did the appropriate thing and that these cousins are now in jail. But the fact that you were a victim of a crime is not justification to sin.

Next, you stated that you began having sex in the eight grade and enjoyed it. Yes, sexual acts do bring about physical pleasure. That is why Satan uses them to tempt people into sinning. "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world--the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life--is not of the Father but is of the world. And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever" (I John 2:15-17). It is pleasure that Satan uses as bait. The fact that you enjoyed sinning doesn't justify the sin.

Then you stated that you have done it many times. Once again, the number of times you commit a sin doesn't make it less of a sin. If a thief stole 58 times, does that mean stealing is no longer a sin for him?

And then you pull the "I act religiously" excuse. The Bible calls this hypocrisy. It is when a person pretends to be one thing while at the same time doing things that are opposite. It is what Jeremiah charged the Israelites of doing. "For you were hypocrites in your hearts when you sent me to the LORD your God, saying, 'Pray for us to the LORD our God, and according to all that the LORD your God says, so declare to us and we will do it.' And I have this day declared it to you, but you have not obeyed the voice of the LORD your God, or anything which He has sent you by me" (Jeremiah 42:20-21). Jesus condemned the religious people of his day for the same reason. "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you devour widows' houses, and for a pretense make long prayers. Therefore you will receive greater condemnation" (Matthew 23:14). You cannot play both sides. Either you must chose to obey God fully, or you are just wasting your time in church. But prayers and attending church do not make a sinful behavior right.

Even though you admit that there are a few guys you like, you have given yourself over to sin and would rather be doing what is wrong than what is right. Feelings are not a justification to sin.

Playing the victim card, "None of my family approves," doesn't justify sin either.

What I want you to see is that you have chosen to sin and now are seeking to excuse it in some manner. In essence you want to say that though God said a woman having sex with a woman is a sin, you want to force God to accept your choice. It doesn't work that way. "Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, and traded the glory of the incorruptible God for the likeness of an image of corruptible man, and of birds, and four-footed animals, and creeping things. Therefore God also gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to uncleanness, that their bodies should be dishonored among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason, God gave them up to vile passions. For their women changed the natural function into that which is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural function of the woman, burned in their lust toward one another, men doing what is inappropriate with men, and receiving in themselves the due penalty of their error" (Romans 1:22-27).

If you want to live with God in Heaven, then you must submit yourself to God's will and not your lusts. It is solely your choice, but you will receive the consequences of your choices. The reason God said homosexual acts are sinful is because it causes harm to people and human society. You might think that you know more than God, but He has always been proven right.