Growing Up in the Lord: A Study for Teenage Girls

Study Questions

Since fashions change constantly, how can we determine what is appropriate to wear?
Using Genesis 2 and 3, what kind of clothing is definitely inadequate? What kind of clothing is definitely adequate?
It is possible to be clothed and naked at the same time. Explain how this is so. List examples of this from current fashions.
What is modest dress?
Write out I Corinthians 11:14-15. What does it teach us?

Class Discussion

Note: See the question and answer section below. All answers are not directly posted to this page. They will be screened to remove inappropriate words and personal identifying information.

Does a Christian have the right to wear anything she wants?
Would tattoos be acceptable?
Would body piercing be acceptable?
How long can your hair be and still be considered short?
Can a male Christian go shirtless in public?
Can a Christian wear a bathing suit in public?

Should boys and girls swim together?

Reply

Bonnie (Age 61)

I would like to ask why this wasn't discussed in your article? To me, wearing any bathing suit is as close to being naked as you can get. There is NOTHING left to anyone's imagination. Even if a person is clothed from head to toe, going to a public swimming pool or the lake would not be an appropriate activity for a child of God. There are others in that setting that are as worldly as they come and to view others in swimming attire would be enticing one to lust. I believe most congregation's leaders are ignoring this and other issues of immodesty. I have grandchildren who are allowed to go to school proms and mixed swimming. It breaks my heart; because I have given them everything to read on these subjects (with the Scriptures included) and have instructed them myself; but of course their parents (my daughter and two of the kids step-father) are in favor of all this activity. My daughter says she wants to "pick the battles" with the kids so as not to go overboard and say no to every issue that comes up. I am totally amazed at that philosophy! The parents refuse to listen to the word of God or any wise counsel on these issues. I am very discouraged concerning these issues and in general with the height of members worldliness in the church.

I didn't come from the best of families, nor did my husband. We made MANY mistakes with our 3 children. It is being proved in our case that personal example speaks louder than words. My husband was working long hours and therefore I was the one left alone with the kids most of the time. I did not make a good "single parent" so to speak. My husband had more of a "relaxed" attitude toward some issues with the kids. He also smoked cigarettes (began AFTER our first child was born) and at that time we also went to public swimming places, as did the other members of the church. Public swimming by members of the church was something we both grew up with. I don't recall the time frame when I learned how wrong the mixed swimming was; but I think it was sometime in the 1990's. I believe I have always known it was wrong; but all those years before, I thought it was because I was shy and didn't have much self esteem, etc., etc. Now I realize it was because I did not feel comfortable having so little clothing on my body, especially when males were present. I ignored my inner voice and since I had always swam in public and the church had not given any instruction about it, it continued on with my own children.

I believe my kids received mixed messages from us all those years and that's why none of them are strong Christians today. Parents may not be the only example their children have; but they had better be the best one! My family is living proof of that and it will probably cause me much heartache until the day I pass from this earth.

A

You are right that the issue of mixed swimming is important to address and it should be taught more often. When I originally wrote this book, I mistakenly thought that the issue was a clear application of the principles brought out. Given the questions I received, I realized that I needed to spell out the issue more clearly. I just recently wrote an article on it, which you can read by clicking on "Is It Okay for Boys and Girls to Swim Together?"

Thank you for sharing your concerns with the younger generation. I hope they will learn from your experiences. Concerning the need for consistency in expectations of children's behavior, may I recommend the lesson "When I Grow Up"? Please also look at the study on parenting, titled "Raising Godly Children in a Wicked World."

The following questions were presented to a teenage Bible study class in Pennsylvania. I think you will find their answers interesting. Those with blue backgrounds are the boys' answers. The pink background are the girls' answers to a similar question.

Q	What does a man feel and think about when he allows himself to look at a young woman in enticing dress?
A	This can lead to immoral thoughts, lust, which is sinful. The man, if he persists in such behavior has spiritual issues and it can lead him further down the road to more immoral sinful thoughts and behavior
	All kinds of evil thoughts. Some men imagine morbid things. Men imagine having sex with women and what they look like naked. Men imagine what women look like in certain sexual positions, etc. Enticing dress appeals to the lust of a man's flesh and leads to all kinds of evil thought.
	Makes you want to look further or want more.
	Perhaps, at times, it is simply an admiration of beauty. However, having been in the world and among the worldly, having been involved in numerous "guy conversations" about women, the norm is thinking about sexual things to do to her.
Q	In your judgment, avoiding such thoughts is a [daily, weekly, monthly, rare] struggle for most men.
A	Daily
	Hourly
	Daily
	Minutely
Q	Do even Christian women sometimes make it difficult for you to keep your mind pure by the way they choose to dress? Do they make it difficult for you to keep your mind pure by the way they dress when they come to assemble with the saints?
A	Yes. A very few Christian women come dressed in an inappropriate manner making it difficult to keep my mind totally focused on worship.
	Yes. Yes.
	I notice more with Christian young people, rather than adults. Things that are common, such as tight pants and shirts, short skirts, and low-cut shirts.
	Yes on both accounts. Revealed cleavage, tight-fitting shirts and pants, skirts revealing the thighs all make it difficult to think about God instead of sex, even during the worship assemblies.
Q	Which of the following do you consider enticing dress on a female?	Which of the following do you consider inappropriate dress for a female seeking to be pure and seeking to help her male acquaintances to be pure?
	Low neckline revealing some breast curve or cleavage
A	All answered "yes"	Most answered "yes"
	Open back
A	yes	All answered "no"
	yes
	not really
	no
	Sleeveless shirt
A	yes	All answered "no"
	not for me
	Must watch for bra showing under arm
	I have seen a few that I could say are modest, but most leave too much ability to see inside the shirt from various angles. However, I would prefer women not wear them at all.
	Spaghetti strap shirt or dress
A	yes	Most answered "no"
	yes
	yes -- Very
	Depends on how the dress is cut, how tight, just spaghetti straps -- no
	Strapless shirt or dress (nothing covering the shoulders)
A	yes	All answered "no"
	yes
	yes -- Very
	Depends on how the dress is cut, how tight, just spaghetti straps -- no
	Midriff showing
A	no	Most answered "no"
	yes
	yes -- Very
	On a teenage girl or young woman it is enticing.
	Pants that reveal waistband of panties
A	Enticing	All answered "yes"
	yes
	yes
	yes
	Form fitting shirt or pants
A	yes	Most answered "no"
	yes
	yes
	yes
	Short shorts (how short?)
A	no	Most answered "yes"
	I consider hot pants style shorts enticing. Shorts around mid-thigh or just above are not a problem.
	yes -- Showing thighs
	yes -- A little more lenient here than with the skirts; but not much. Typically, if it is close to the knee while standing, I view it as modest.
	Undergarments visible through the outer garments
A	Enticing	All answered "yes"
	yes
	yes
	yes -- Over knee and above.
	One piece swim suit
A	yes	All answered "no"
	yes
	yes
	Depends on the cut of the suit. If it is somewhat modest cut, no problem. I have seen one piece suits that cover little.
Q	Additions to the list?
A	Men are visually stimulated creatures. That is why advertising shows women wearing little or creatively hiding their bodies with the product they are trying to sell.
	Under garments visible through arm holes
	Shirts with provocative messages on them. Clothes with symbols, pictures, or messages that necessitates looking at sexual areas of the body in order to read them.
Q	Assuming you are unmarried, are you more attracted to a young woman who is careful to dress modestly or to a young woman whose dress excites you? Explain.
A	I prefer a woman who dresses well but is dressed modestly. I would not want my wife or girlfriend flaunting herself to others by showing too much of herself.
	More attracted in an honorable way to the modestly dressed. More attracted in a dishonorable and sexual way to the immodest dresser -- MEN ARE EVIL.
	More attracted to a woman who is dressed less modest because there is more skin showing which makes you want to see more.
	I am somewhat unclear on this question. However, regarding sexual stimulation -- that is clearly greater regarding one who is immodest. That is why you say "dress excites you." But ...
Q	Which woman from the previous question would you rather have as your fiancee or wife? Why?
A	Modestly dressed. Again, she is my wife. I want to be proud of her. Someone who will walk with me through life as a Christian mate and not be influenced by the evils of this world, conforming to the dress and culture. I want a modest wife who can stand by my side and assist me in getting to heaven.
	The modest dresser. This is indicative of what is on the inside of a woman and whether this potential mate is very spiritually minded.
	I would rather have the modestly dressed woman for a wife. I would have it this way because I know how guys think and what they are looking at.
	I would rather have a modest woman as a fiancee or wife. Why? Because I do not want other men stimulated sexually by my wife or fiancee. Secondly, modest says something about what kind of woman she is. Immodesty demonstrates, at best, weak spirituality. At worst, rebellion for God's order and plan in the home.
Q	Is there anything yet unsaid that you would like Christian women to know to help them keep their male acquaintances pure?
A	Males are visually stimulated. If you attract your boyfriend or husband by wearing provocative dress or by provocative behavior, what makes you think that down the road another woman cannot do the same? Read Proverbs 31; this is the kind of woman Christian men want.
	Be modest in your heart, and it will show in your actions and dress. Flee fornication. Don't do anything with a guy more than simple kissing before marriage. Keep yourself pure for the sake of your future mate.
	I think in today's society you will really have to work to dress modestly. The styles are tight, low cut, and short. So it will take some commitment to do the right thing.
	Just some Bible passages: I Peter 3:1-6; Matthew 18:6-9, I Thessalonians 4:7. Do not let the world be your standard. Let God be your standard: Romans 12:1-2.
	Some of the surveys included advice about kissing. Summarizing those responses: If you are going to kiss on a date, keep it short. Long kissing can cause lust and can lead to other actions. The more you touch, the more you will want to touch and the harder it will be to stay pure.

Your Questions

Q

Karen (age 14)

Is it appropiate for children or adults to dress up to go to church? Does this mean that they are more closer to God than someone in jeans?

A

People dress up when they head off to some special event. Their selection of clothing tells everyone whether they think the event is important to them or not. Jesus told a parable where this fact served as a key element to the story.

"The kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who arranged a marriage for his son, and sent out his servants to call those who were invited to the wedding; and they were not willing to come. Again, he sent out other servants, saying, 'Tell those who are invited, See, I have prepared my dinner; my oxen and fatted cattle are killed, and all things are ready. Come to the wedding.' But they made light of it and went their ways, one to his own farm, another to his business. And the rest seized his servants, treated them spitefully, and killed them. But when the king heard about it, he was furious. And he sent out his armies, destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city. Then he said to his servants, 'The wedding is ready, but those who were invited were not worthy. Therefore go into the highways, and as many as you find, invite to the wedding.' So those servants went out into the highways and gathered together all whom they found, both bad and good. And the wedding hall was filled with guests. But when the king came in to see the guests, he saw a man there who did not have on a wedding garment. So he said to him, 'Friend, how did you come in here without a wedding garment?' And he was speechless. Then the king said to the servants, 'Bind him hand and foot, take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.' For many are called, but few are chosen" (Matthew 22:2-14).

Even though the king sent out to call guests from the highways, good and bad, yet the king was upset with a man who came without wearing wedding garments. When asked why, the man was speechless because there really wasn't a good reason for his lax attitude toward the prince's wedding.

The point of the parable is not to put emphasis on our physical dress, but to show us a point about the nature of the church (the kingdom of heaven). The church consists of people called out of the world. Those who respond to the invitation are most often the lowly people of the world. The intellectuals and the mighty people despise God and His Son, but the little people of the world are eager to please their king. However, God still expects His people to demonstrate appreciation for the invitation. We can't treat God's church as some casual, everyday thing which can be taken or left. "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth" (II Timothy 2:15).

The reason that dress was used to illustrate this point is that for the most part, the things we chose to wear demonstrate our attitudes. They are our personal choice; and, therefore, they reflect our personality.

Yet on the other end of the scale, Christians are commanded not to judge others who come less well dressed than the rest. "For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, "You sit here in a good place," and say to the poor man, "You stand there," or, "Sit here at my footstool," have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my beloved brethren: Has God not chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and heirs of the kingdom which He promised to those who love Him? But you have dishonored the poor man. Do not the rich oppress you and drag you into the courts? Do they not blaspheme that noble name by which you are called? If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, "You shall love your neighbor as yourself," you do well; but if you show partiality, you commit sin, and are convicted by the law as transgressors" (James 2:2-9). Christians are told to treat everyone who comes equally, regardless of their dress.

Unfortunately, I have seen both ends violated. There are people who think that because Christians shouldn't judge based on dress that they should push their "I could care less" attitude into their brethren's faces. And there are Christians who look down on a brother's poor dress without ever learning why they are suffering. Both ends of the spectrum are wrong.

The article "Dress Codes" addresses the problem of imposing standards for dress beyond what God requires. The article "You Can't Tell Me How to Dress" addresses the problem of purposely dressing to offend other people.

People who know me know that I generally wear suits and ties when I am preaching, not because I think suits and ties are required, but because people generally expect preachers to be dressed up. I want them to focus on the message and not me, so I will match their expectations to keep them from being distracted from the message. Yet, I have preached in blue jeans and in stocking feet on at least two occasions. Why? Because there was a big snow storm and I had to dig out my car. I left my snow boots at the door. But no one cared because we were all glad that we had a chance to assemble and worship God despite the storm.

I hope this clarifies the matter for you.