Q

A

The possibility certainly exists. People use condoms in hope of avoiding sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. But condoms can and do fail. One way condoms fail is if the man doesn't withdraw his penis immediately after sex. Condoms are held in place because an erect penis is large. After orgasm, a man's penis returns to its normal size and so the condom easily slips off. In addition the flaccid penis no longer seals the sides of the condom, so semen can spill out. If the condom is not carefully removed after the man withdraws, there exists a strong possibility of spillage.

Even after removal of a condom, the possibility of pregnancy remains. Couples often continue to lie together after sex. The end of the man's penis was in contact with his semen. If some of that semen ends up in or near the woman's vagina, she could get pregnant. It only takes one sperm to fertilize a woman's egg.

It is true that the odds of this happening are slim, but it not impossible and cases of this happening have been recorded. This is why condoms only lower the possibility of getting pregnant in a year's time to 20%. (A healthy couple trying to have a child have an 85% chance of conceiving a baby in one year.)

This is one of many reasons why sex outside of marriage should be avoided. People use condoms in an attempt to commit fornication without facing the natural consequences of this sin. The reality is that though they are decreasing the possibilities of a consequence occurring, they are not able to totally eliminate them. There is no such thing as "safe sex" when sex takes place outside of marriage.

Q

A

While the odds are small, the possibility does remain. When a man becomes sexually aroused, his body begins producing a fluid from two glands called the Cowpar's glands. The purpose of the fluid is to cleanse his urinary tract prior to intercourse (the acids in urine kill sperm). Depending on the man and his level of arousal, the quantity of fluid produced can be little or a lot. The excess drips from the end of his penis and provides a small amount of lubrication for intercourse. I mention all of this to point out that the fluid comes long before he reaches the point of ejaculation, but because of the way his body is built, small quantities of sperm can be present in this fluid (sometimes called pre-cum in slang).

It only takes one sperm meeting with one egg to produce a child. And, you must remember that sperm swim. So even if the fluid containing the sperm is deposited near the entrance of your vagina, it is possible for a sperm to swim up the vagina and reach an egg that you are releasing.

To give you an idea of the possibilities, a married couple trying to conceive a child have an 85% chance in a year's time frame. Or another way of looking at it, if a hundred couples were trying to conceive, in one year eighty-five will have achieved their goal. The withdrawal method of contraception (where the man withdraws his penis before he ejaculates) lowers these odds to 19%. In other words, if a hundred couples were using the withdrawal method to prevent conception, in one year nineteen of the women would be pregnant anyway.

Far too many young men and women think that heavy petting is not harmful. They naively think that as long as the boy doesn't insert his penis or as long as it wasn't in the vagina when he ejaculated, that they weren't really having sex. The truth is that heavy petting is foreplay and foreplay is an essential step in sexual intercourse. It is during foreplay that both the man and woman's bodies produce lubricants for sexual intercourse, but those same lubricants raise the possibility of pregnancy occurring. The lubricants from a man's penis might contain sperm. Face it, when you are engaged in heavy petting, are you not thinking about what might come next? Recall that Jesus warned, "whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). This warning is not limited to just men or married couples. When you strongly desire to do what is sinful, you are committing that sin in your heart -- even when the sinful actions do not follow. Live a righteous life and save all portions of sex for after your marriage.

Before I finish, there is something else you need to keep in mind. Pregnancy is not the only risk being taken. Most sexually transmitted diseases involve body fluids. The lubricating fluids from the Cowpar's gland can contain more than sperm, it can also contain bacteria and viruses that the boy picked up from other sex partners. The fluid does not even need to be placed near your vagina for you to pick up these diseases.

God was not arbitrary when He commanded men and women to save sex for only married couples (Hebrews 13:4). His command also promotes better health.

Q

A

Q

Q

A

When a man ejaculates semen, it squirts out of the end of his penis with a fair amount of force. It can easily travel six to twelve inches past the end of his penis if there is nothing in the way. To better understand this, take a water gun and a piece of cloth -- such as a pair of panties. Wrap the cloth across the end of the water gun and give it several squirts. Notice that quite a few drops of water manage to get past the cloth. This is because cloth is porous. You can hold it up to the light and see the small holes between the weaves. Hence, if the man's penis is pressed against your vagina when he ejaculates there is a small chance that some semen will make its way through the material -- even if you and he both have your underwear on. I have in my files a "Dear Abby" column where a woman stated that she had become pregnant even though she and her boyfriend had never taken off their underwear. She was still technically a virgin when their child was born, as her hymen was still intact.

But then, it also doesn't matter how the semen is delivered to the vagina. Couples who engage in pre-martial sex (fornication) will engage in heavy petting or fondling(foreplay). This may include touching the genital areas. If a man ejaculates and some of his semen ends up on a finger that then touches the vagina, the semen is still transferred and the man and woman could remain fully clothed.

Well did Solomon warn, "Can a man take fire to his bosom, And his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, And his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; Whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:27-29). You cannot play with fire and think there is no way you can be burnt.

Q

A

There is a myth that if a woman immediately stands up after sex or if a man and woman have sex while standing, that the semen the man ejaculates will flow out of the woman and she will not become pregnant. This myth is flawed for a variety of reasons.

If you poured yourself a glass of grape juice and then drank it, did you drink all of it? For those inclined to say "yes," please explain why there is a small bit of juice at the bottom of the glass and that the sides of the glass are stained purple. Pouring something out of a container doesn't remove all that existed. For the same reason when a man ejaculates semen into a woman's vagina, even when some of it comes back out, all of it does not. The average man ejaculates about one to two teaspoons of semen. That fluid contains about a half-billion sperm cells. All it takes is one sperm to reach the egg to cause fertilization and pregnancy. Can you guarantee that all 500,000,000 sperm cells placed within you will flow out? I can give you better odds that quite a number will remain.

Then there is the fact that men ejaculate with a fair amount of force. Semen can easily squirt six to twelve inches beyond the end of the penis. During sex, your uterus tilts, aligning the entrance of the uterus toward the end of the penis, and simultaneously forming a small depression below the cervix (the entrance to the uterus). Some semen may enter the uterus directly from the ejaculation, but a fair quantity will flow into the depression. After sex, the uterus returns to its original position, but this places the cervix directly into the depression. This mechanism allows more sperm to enter the uterus, increasing the chance of pregnancy.

Some women think they can cleverly avoid these problems by douching (using a liquid to flush out the vagina). What they fail to realize is that as the liquid enters, it pushes some of the semen further inwards. Instead of preventing a pregnancy, they can actually speed the journey of the sperm into the uterus.

As mentioned before, one of the purposes of sex is the creation of children. Men and women's bodies contain numerous features to see that the purpose takes place. When people engage in sex outside the bounds of marriage and then try to hinder the natural result, they often fail to hide the consequence of their sin.

Q

A

Chlamydia is a bacterial infection that is generally passed by sexual intercourse. Over half the men and women who are infected by chlamydia have no noticeable symptoms. Yet, even without symptoms, the disease can be passed on to another person. If untreated, it can cause damage to the reproductive system in both men and women. It is also been shown to cause arthritis when you get older. (However, not all people who have arthritis have had chlamydia. There are other causes of arthritis.)

Chlamydia can be passed through sexual intercourse, oral sex, anal sex or even genital contact. So, yes, you can get chlamydia without intercourse. This is why God warns against having sex outside of marriage. Those who freely have sex usually have multiple partners, making the odds of passing a disease highly likely. In warning about the perils of sex outside of marriage, Solomon says, "Now then, my sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house, or you will give your vigor to others and your years to the cruel one. ... And you groan at your final end, when your flesh and your body are consumed" (Proverbs 5:7-9, 11). Disease causes a lack of health and a shorten length of life. Later Solomon warns, "Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, And his reproach will not be wiped away" (Proverbs 6:32-33). The momentary pleasure of sex is not worth damage it can do your body and your soul.

Q

Clara (age 25)

A

There are a number of problems I need to talk to you about. Re-read your question and notice how you are trying to dismiss what happened as being a minor event. It was "just for 6 or 7 seconds" and he didn't ejaculate. The thing you need to be asking yourself is why did you allow a boy to put his penis inside your vagina at all? Three or four kisses and then you let him in? It couldn't have been an accident because it would require clothing to be removed by both you and him.

Let me be very clear. What you did with this boy is called fornication (or sexual immorality). You were engaged in having sex without being married. The fact that it was brief and that somehow the boy managed not to ejaculate doesn't change the fact that you were still having sex when you were not married. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4).

While the odds are small, the possibility does exist that you can get pregnant. When a man becomes sexually aroused, his body begins producing a fluid from two glands called the Cowpar's glands. The purpose of this fluid, called "pre-cum" in slang, is to cleanse his urinary tract prior to intercourse (the acids in urine kill sperm). Depending on the man and his level of arousal, the quantity of fluid produced can be little or a lot. The excess fluid drips from the end of his penis and provides a small amount of lubrication for intercourse. The fluid comes out long before he reaches the point of ejaculation. Because of the way the male body is put together, small quantities of sperm can be present in this fluid. The time since he last ejaculated doesn't make a difference.

It only takes one sperm meeting with one egg in your body to produce a child. And, you must remember that sperm swim. So even if the fluid containing the sperm is deposited near the entrance of your vagina, it is possible for a sperm to swim up the vagina and reach an egg that you are releasing. However, in your case, his penis was well within your vagina for more than enough time for his pre-ejaculate fluid to be in your vagina and depending how far in he went, it could have been placed closed to your uterus.

To give you an idea of the possibilities, a married couple trying to conceive a child have an 85% chance in a year's time frame. Or another way of looking at it, if 100 couples were trying to conceive, in one year 85 will have achieved their goal. The withdrawal method of contraception (where the man withdraws his penis before he ejaculates) lowers these odds to 19%. In other words, if 100 couples were using the withdrawal method to prevent conception, in one year 19 of the women would be pregnant anyway.

There is something else you also need to keep in mind. Pregnancy is not the only risk you took. Most sexually transmitted diseases involve body fluids. The lubricating fluids from the Cowpar's gland can contain more than sperm, but it can also contain bacteria and viruses that the boy picked up from other sex partners. After all, if he was willing to put his penis into you after a few kisses, it is likely that he has had sex with other women in the past. The fluid does not even need to be placed near your vagina for you to pick up these diseases. Skin to skin contact is sufficient for many diseases to be passed from one person to another. The skin on his penis and the skin in your vagina are both thin and easily pass a disease from one to the other.

Q

A

The optimal time to get pregnant is two weeks (fourteen days) before your next period. That is the day you release an egg. For conception to take place, that egg must meet up with a sperm within 24 hours of its release. In addition, a man's sperm is able to survive up to six days in a woman's body.

The problem is that a woman cannot positively state when her next period will take place. Even a woman who has a very regular cycle will experience a "hiccup" once in a while. Your cycle can be as short as fourteen days or as long thirty-six days.

Let's assume that you normally have a twenty-eight day cycle. You fooled around and committed fornication on day twenty-six, but unknown to you, your next cycle will be extremely short -- only 17 days. That would mean the optimal day for conceiving would be three days after your period began. But you had sex five days before the optimal time; thus some of his sperm could still be swimming around in you and you could end up pregnant.

There are days in your cycle where it is less likely that you will end up pregnant, but there is no day when it can be guaranteed that you can't get pregnant. The only way to guarantee not becoming pregnant is to not have sex.

Q

A

Because of the nature of the question, I need to make sure you understand some basic things. Pregnancy occurs when sperm from a male reaches the egg from a female at the right time. Sperm is contained in the semen that men ejaculate from their penis when they become very sexually aroused. Eggs are released inside your body and the only path to them from the outside is through your vagina.

Therefore, only kissing will not cause a pregnancy because the man doesn't release semen and the only contact between the two people is the mouth, not the genitals (the penis on the man and the vagina in the woman).

However, kissing can lead toward pregnancy because couples frequently don't stop at just kissing over time. Eventually they go too far and the man ejaculates and the semen gets into the vagina.

Q

Jessica (age 17)

A

While urine is acidic and will kill sperm, urinating after sex will not kill the sperm inside you because your urinary tube is not in your vagina. It is a separate opening just above your vagina. In addition, when a man ejaculates in a woman, it puts the semen at the back of the vaginal tube, near the cervix and the uterus. No urine comes close to that point.

The problem is that you are trying to find a way to avoid the consequence of a sin. Having sex without being married to your partner is a sin. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). Instead of trying to avoid the natural result of sex, find a man worthy of marrying and then you can enjoy sex without having to worry if children might come as a result.

Q

Madeline

I visited your site and need your advice on holding hands in relationships prior to marriage. Is it ok for my boyfriend to hold my hands before I get married? Can this be dangerous like playing with fire? Or, is it ok as long as we use discretion? What's your advice?

A

Holding hands shows close feelings between two people, but does not have a sexual connotation. Holding hands should be perfectly safe in a relationship.

Q

Rapheal

Can I get pregnant if only the head of the penis was in during his ejaculation?

A

Pregnancy occurs when a sperm reaches one of your eggs. A healthy male ejaculates about a half billion sperm each time he has sex. Each sperm has a tail allowing it to swim toward the egg. Then there is the fact that when an ejaculation occurs, there is often enough force to propel the semen six to twelve inches beyond the end of the penis. What all of this means is it doesn't matter if the guy only went part way in or if he didn't tear your hymen before he ejaculated. The chance that you could get pregnant is nearly the same as if he put his penis in all the way.

In addition your chance of catching a sexually transmitted disease from him is not different. Most diseases are passed by skin to skin contact, which you had or by the exchange of fluids and since you received his semen, you were exposed to any disease he might be carrying.

What you two were engaging in was fornication -- having sex without being married. It is a sin because it causes harm to those participating in it. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). You need to stop sinning.

Q

Ashwini (age 17)

Hello, I'm female, 17 years old, but soon to be 18. I'm very tensed. I have a boyfriend and we both love each other a lot. We used to kiss each other. Then one day we went to a friend's room. I was naked and he was in his underwear. We just kissed and did nothing else, but that has made me feel guilty. It has been nearly since then. I had my periods regularly before this but this time I didn't get it till now. I'm nervous whether it will lead to pregnancy. Please kindly help.

A

Since you have had a period since this incident, you are not pregnant. But it doesn't mean you won't get pregnant if you continue down this path of playing with fire. In speaking of sexual sins, the wise man, Solomon, asked, "Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:27-29).

What do you think would happen being in a room alone with a boy and taking off your clothes? Even though he kept his underwear on this time, what makes you think he will at a later time? Since he was sexually excited, I'm sure he leaked pre-ejaculate fluid. That fluid can contain sperm and if your groin was next to his, it can be possible for the some of that fluid to be in contact with the outer edges of your vagina. Underwear is no barrier to pre-ejaculate fluid or semen.

But concerns about pregnancy is just one small issue. You are playing around with the sin of lust. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). Your are fanning the flames of your own passions and those of your boyfriend. Those flames won't go away. If you continue he will eventually put his penis into you as this the natural result of what you are doing. A husband and wife are supposed to have sexual desire for each other, but the two of you are not married. "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). Even though he has not gotten his penis into you, he as been thinking about it -- and you have been as well. Thus both of you are as guilty of fornication as if you had done it.

You can't claim innocence in this matter because you made choices that led to this point. It is like lighting a fire in the forest and then getting upset that it got out of control. You need to stop the playing, because it isn't a game. Repent of the sin you have done so far. Let your boyfriend know that you think that what happened was wrong and why. He may dump you -- but that would be because he thought he could have sex with you without being married to you. If that happens, you really don't want a boyfriend like that. Better if he agrees and the two of you keep your clothes on and stay away from the passionate kissing until you get married.

Q

Ali

I am pretty sure that my period will begin within the next few days. I was visiting my boyfriend and he pressed his naked genitals up against mine, harmlessly. He was releasing the clear fluid before ejaculation, but because I was a little nervous, I refused to let him get too close to the vaginal opening. Now, I know it is possible for the clear fluid to contain sperm, so my question is: what is the chance of pregnancy?

A

The chance of pregnancy is very small, but it is not zero. The chance of passing a sexually transmitted disease is much higher because many of them can be passed by skin-to-skin contact or by fluids. Since he was sexually aroused and producing pre-ejaculate fluid, if he had a disease, it could be passed to you as the fluid contacted your skin, especially if there were any wounds (even minor ones). Nor does the fluid have to reach your vagina directly from his penis. If he got some on his fingers and put his fingers in or near your vagina, that can bring sperm into your body as well.

The real question is why are you and your boyfriend exposing your genitals to each other? While you managed to keep his penis out of you so far, it won't always be the case. You call what you did "harmless," but since when has sin ever been harmless? Even if you manage to avoid disease or pregnancy, harm still took place in your spiritual life.

"But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). Even though you keep his penis out of you, he was thinking about having sex with you. Thus, even though you didn't commit fornication at that time, he (and you) were as guilty of fornication as if you did have sex.

In addition, you are both guilty of lust. ""For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). Instead of thinking of you as a young woman to be admired, you got him seeing you as an outlet for his sexual urges. How is that going to build a lasting relationship?

You both need to repent of your sins and stop fooling around with each other's body. It isn't a game to see how close you can get without crossing "the line." You already crossed it.

Q

Daniele

I have read all the tips that you made accessible to public view, and I really appreciated it. I have have come to some uncertainties which I'd like to confirm. Is touching a bad thing, or is it bad because it can lead you to further desire? If you come to a point where you're going to lose control, how can you stop? And the last question: you said that having an erection may show you that you have to stop, can you explain it in more detail. I'd appreciated if you'd help.

A

Touching is a vague term. Holding hands is touching, but there is nothing wrong with mere hand holding.

Let's take a look at what God has said about touching. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband" (I Corinthians 7:1-2). By "touch" Paul is not saying a man and woman cannot hold hands or give a chaste "goodnight" kiss. He is stating that men and woman should not touch each other in sexual ways. It is a phrase found several times in the Old Testament:

"But Abimelech had not come near her; and he said, "Lord, will You slay a righteous nation also?" (Genesis 20:4). Literally, he had not touched her.

"So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:26).

When discussing moral choices, there are two aspects which must be considered: there are physical acts which are sinful to do and there are thoughts which should not be entertained. Every person has a desire to be touched, it is a part of our human physiology. But some are inflamed by the desire to the point that they are willing to break laws to get what they want. We generally call that very strong desire "lust."

Sexual touch isn't independent of sexual thought and feelings. It inflames sexual desire. "Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul" (I Peter 2:11). Those engaged in sexual touch are thinking about sex, but not in the context of marriage. The thought of committing a sin is equivalent to the actual commitment. "But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). When a man is touching you in sexual ways, he might not go so far as intercourse, but I guarantee that he has been thinking about it. When a man is engaged in sexual touching, he is reducing your will to resist when he decides to go all the way. Like other sins, sexual sin is a progression. "You've gone this far, going a little bit farther is no different." By providing sexual stimulation, he is builds your emotional response to go along with him and away from righteousness.

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified" (I Thessalonians 4:3-6). Through passion and lust, a man can take advantage of you. Therefore he would not be treating you with honor or dignity. He may claim to love you, but all he really loves is the sexual excitement you bring to him. "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth" (I Corinthians 13:4-6).

Therefore, in answer to your question, sexual touching between unmarried people is wrong because it creates lusts that cannot be satisfied in a righteous manner until the couple marries.

How do you stop? By refraining from the activity that is causing lustful thoughts. Girls have a hard time realizing the strength of sexual desire. They often will flirt with a man, thinking it is harmless because they don't feel an overwhelming sexual desire at the moment. But what triggers sexual desire in women is different from men. Thus, but a woman's indifference to a man's feelings, she can cause him to sin.

A man's penis gets large and stiff when his body is sexually aroused. That is called an erection. In a man's teenage years, his body doesn't always know what is a sexual situation, so teenage boys are plagued with unwanted erections to their embarrassment. But since an erection is tied to sexual feelings, a man knows when his thoughts are straying down paths that he ought not consider until he is married. Thus, having an erection can be a warning to a man that he should reconsider his thoughts or actions.

For both men and women, when sexual desire builds to a high level, the areas of the brain involved in reasoning become sluggish. They get carried away by the moment and do not think about the consequences. Such a state doesn't lead to good moral choices. The best thing to do is not come close to that state of mind.

Q

Alason (age 16)

A few days ago, my boyfriend and I were performing mutual oral sex. He ejaculated in my mouth and I swallowed. As I got up, the tip of his penis accidentally brushed my genital region. What are the chances of getting pregnant, if I washed and urinated immediately afterward? Please, it's urgent. [Yes, I do realize it's a sin.]

A

Only 16 years old and already cavalier about being an unpaid whore for a boy. "A foolish woman is clamorous; she is simple, and knows nothing. For she sits at the door of her house, on a seat by the highest places of the city, to call to those who pass by, who go straight on their way: "Whoever is simple, let him turn in here"; and as for him who lacks understanding, she says to him, "Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant." But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of hell" (Proverbs 9:13-18).

The chance of pregnancy is extremely small, but it is not zero. While urine is acidic and will kill sperm, urinating after sex will not kill the sperm inside you because your urinary tube is not in your vagina. It is a separate opening just above your vagina. Depending on where his penis touched you, it is remotely possible that a drop of semen containing sperm could of gotten near your vaginal penning. Sperm swim, and quite fast, so the possibility can't be completely ruled out.

I don't know why this answer would be urgent unless you want a chance to abort the child before it develops. I guess you don't want an inconvenient reminder that you willingly committed fornication, so murder a preferable option in your mind and well worth the payment for fooling around doing things you claim to know are wrong.

But the chance of passing a sexually transmitted disease is near 100% because many of them can be passed by skin-to-skin contact or by fluids, and you had both types of contact. Oral sex makes pregnancy less likely, but it doesn't stop the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Syphilis, chlamydia, HPV, and a host of other diseases are just as happy taking up residence in your throat as in your vagina. "Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away" (Proverbs 6:32-33). The same goes for the woman as well.

Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and fun within a marriage. But in a marriage you don't have to worry about diseases and you won't care if you happen to get pregnant. But you are making a mockery of something that is quite serious and you are putting to risk yourself, your temporary stud, and the potential life of an innocent child. You think are acting like adults by having sex, but all your doing is acting like an animal -- taking no thought about the consequences of your action. I do hope you repent of your sins and turn your life over to Christ before you suffer consequences for your carelessness.

Q

Alason (age 16)

Alason is a typo. My real name is Alison. Please change it to this if you are going to post this on your website. And I am married. Married minors do exist.

A

Alason is what you call yourself in your email. Now you are adding lying to your list of sins because you said "boyfriend" and stated that what you did was a sin. Nor would a married woman be worried about a very remote chance of pregnancy. Either now (more likely) or before, you lied. I can't say I'm impressed.. "But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death" (Revelation 21:8).

Q

Aimee (age 22)

I'm 22 years old. I haven't had my period for almost seven months now. It greatly worries me. I'm afraid that I might get pregnant after having sex with my boyfriend and not being able to tell, but it also confuses me since I haven't had my period for so long. What could be the problem with me? Please help.

A

First, you are being extremely foolish having sex with a boy to whom you are not married. Any time sex occurs, there is a possibility that pregnancy can happen. I would like you to read two articles "Waiting for the Proper Time" and "Why Sex Outside of Marriage is Wrong." At the moment your boyfriend is treating you much like a prostitute, only he is not paying you for the sex he is having.

A lack of a period for more than three months indicates that something is wrong in your body. Most often it means you are not eating well. You need to see a doctor to determine the cause so that a fix to the situation can be applied.

Q

Marie (age 17)

My boyfriend and I had unprotected sex yesterday and the day before, but he pulled out way before it was time for him to cum. I was wondering, is there anyway I could become pregnant?

A

Since I happen to personally know of three couples who became pregnant in just this way, the answer is obviously "yes." For two of them, I know it happened on their very first time of his penis being in her. Any time sex occurs, there is a possibility that pregnancy can happen. It doesn't matter whether he ejaculated inside you or not. All that changes is the odds of it happening. You might never get struck by lightening, but it would be foolish to state that it would never happen to you.

When a married couple are actively having sex, trying to conceive a child, the standard odds are that 85 out of 100 couples will have conceived a child in one year's time. This doesn't say how long it took. It is like rolling a dice looking for a "six" to appear. It could happen on first throw or it might take twenty throws, but the odds are that a six will appear 1 out of 6 throws (or 17 out of 100 throws). In essence, each time a couple engage in sex, the "dice" is being thrown whether pregnancy will take place. In general there is an 85% chance that sex will lead to a conception. It might happen the first time, or it might happen after twenty times, but the odds of it happening remains the same.

When married couples practice the withdrawal method to avoid pregnancy, that is for the husband to remove his penis before he ejaculates, then the odds change to 19 out of 100 coupes will conceive a child in one year's time. While quite a bit less, you can see that it isn't close to zero. In fact, it is close to the odds of rolling a single number with the roll of a single die.

If you were having sex between your periods, then the likelihood is a bit higher. A woman releases an egg two weeks prior to her next blood flow. A man's sperm can survive up to six days inside a woman. While a man ejaculates about a half-billion sperm each time he has sex, that many sperm just increases the odds that pregnancy will happen. Technically it only takes one sperm to fertilize an egg.

Like girls, guys produce a clear liquid when they get sexually aroused which drips from the end of their penis. That liquid is called pre-ejaculate or in slang it is called pre-cum. That liquid can contain a few sperm. Add to the fact that he had his penis inside you means that some of that liquid was deposited near your cervix, which just increases the odds that a healthy sperm could reach your uterus and from there the fallopian tubes to meet up with an egg (which, by the way, only takes about 20 minutes of travel time).

I would like you to read two articles "Waiting for the Proper Time" and "Why Sex Outside of Marriage is Wrong." At the moment your boyfriend is treating you much like a prostitute, only he is not paying you for the sex he is having. If you were truly concerned about becoming pregnant, then you shouldn't be playing around with sex.

Of course, pregnancy is just one concern. Pre-ejaculate can also contain diseases if he picked any up from other girls he has been having sex with. Since the skin of the vagina and the skin of the penis are very thin, some diseases, such as HPV (genital warts), can very easily be passed. That is why the Bible warns, "Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, and his reproach will not be wiped away" (Proverbs 6:32-33). The odds of picking up a disease from a sexual partner is far higher than the odds of becoming pregnant.

God stated that sex was for married couples and He made that law for very good reasons. You ought to listen to your God.

Q

Sasha (age 20)

Three days after my period, my boyfriend secreated his semen near my vagina. It was just outside, down my back and near the front. Will that cause pregnancy? I did wash up after that, but I'm still worried. He's graduating in two years time -- a soon to be doctor. He says he knows nothing will happen. He is assuring me that all will be fine. But I'm saying it again, I'm still worried. I know the chances are rare. And I know it's a sin to commit adultery before marraige. But I'm still a virgin and will be until I get married. I have self-control, but my husband-to-be doesn't have any.

A

Yes, the chance of pregnancy in this case is quite low. For pregnancy to take place, sperm has to be present when you release an egg, which takes place 14 days before your next period. A man's sperm is able to survive up to six days inside a woman's uterus, so unless you have a very short menstrual cycle this month, the timing would be off.

But the fact remains that whenever sex takes place -- and by that I'm not just talking about the time when a man's penis is in a woman, but all aspects of sex -- the possibility of pregnancy exists. Certain things will greatly increase the odds, such direct deliver of semen to the back of the vagina, but other things can lead to pregnancy as well. For instance, most woman do not realize that a man's penis drips fluid when he is sexually aroused. That fluid can contain sperm, though very little. Thus they think they can't get pregnant even if the man's penis is in them so long as he didn't ejaculate, but it very much untrue. Another thing they forget is that sperm swim, so semen that gets near the vaginal opening can be close enough for sperm to swim in. The odds are that most sperm will not survive the journey, but since it only takes one sperm to fertilize an egg, the odds can never be zero.

What I find more sad is that you claim to know that sex before marriage is a sin, but you still engage in it. True, you haven't had his penis in you, but what you describe is that you are both getting naked and engaging in sexual foreplay. "Can a man take fire to his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one walk on hot coals, and his feet not be seared? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; whoever touches her shall not be innocent" (Proverbs 6:27-29). The word "touch" refers to sexual touching. "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband" (I Corinthians 7:1-2). Sexual touching, like sexual intercourse, belongs in marriage. Instead the two of you are inflaming your passion for sex and some how fooling yourselves into thinking that nothing "bad" will happen even though you plan to keep in up for two years. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God" (I Thessalonians 4:3-5). Instead of keeping your body (your vessel) set apart for holiness and honor, the two of you are using your bodies for passions of lust. That is not right!

Finally, consider how you describe your boyfriend: he doesn't have any self-control. Have you thought what life will be like with a man who is not inclined to restrain himself? Are you going to have trust in him not to be cheating on you when you are not around? Is he good marriage material?

Too, I wonder if you are just putting all the blame for the situation on him, even though you are participating. You've might have kept him out so far, but it appears you think you can keep this from happening for two years or more -- two years where he is going to put increasing pressure on you because he doesn't mind if you remain a virgin or not.

Put this relationship back in a godly stance. You're worth having as a wife. He wants you, so have him show his commitment to you by first marrying you. Then two of you can enjoy sex and not worry about whether you might get pregnant.

Q

Heather

Sometimes when my boyfriend and I kiss my vagina becomes wet, I know that this happens when you are sexually aroused but does that mean we are going to far? We have decided to wait until marriage before having sex but we want to make sure we are staying pure in God's eyes. Is this normal?

A

Your body responses by instinct to various simulations. A loud noise will make you jump away from the source of the noise. A hot surface will make you pull away from the source of the heat. The smell of good food being cooked makes your mouth water. All of these are automatic responses.

When your body responds to sexual stimulation, it is means that you should take note and be on your alert. It means conditions are right for you to respond sexually even though it is not the appropriate behavior at that time. It is especially important to pay attention because generally people who are sexually aroused do not reason well. The part of their mind that makes reasoned judgments shuts down. "With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, with her flattering lips she seduced him. Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks, till an arrow struck his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, he did not know it would cost his life" (Proverbs 7:21-23).

That is why you find in Song of Solomon, the young woman giving warnings.

"He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love. Sustain me with cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am lovesick. His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases" (Song of Solomon 2:4-7).

When she found herself getting too passionate, she would step back and warn herself and others that the relationship was moving too fast. Love needs time to develop. It should not be rushed by physical responses. So don't seek out stirring up your passion. When you realize that you are aroused, step back for a breather so that it doesn't go too far. I can guarantee that if you are feeling passionate, your boyfriend is struggling with the same feelings. Hence, you both should be on your guard.