Can a best friend, who says he only likes me as a friend, possibly be hiding his feelings for me?

Most men are relatively simple creatures. I know it, being one myself. We like to solve problems. We like to go straight to the answer with as little fuss as possible. It is the directness of men that causes many of the misunderstandings between men and women.

Women tend to over-analyze men. Oh sure, they hear what we say, but they are certain that we can't really mean it that way. There must be something more to it than that! Odd thing is that there rarely is anything more to it.

Therefore, any woman needs to be careful that she is not reading what she wishes were true into a situation. Let's look at your friend's statement:

1) He really likes you as a friend, but he is not willing to think of you as his future wife. He is a true friend because he is telling you just the way it is. He is not leading you on with false hopes.

2) He is not ready to make a commitment to any woman, even though he truly likes your friendship. He is being honest with you because of that friendship. He doesn't want to tie you down to him since he doesn't know when he will become more serious about marriage.

3) He is madly in love with you, but he doesn't want you to know, so he is willing to lie to you to keep his feelings hidden. But since he is willing to lie, this must mean he really doesn't think much of you.

Regardless of your feelings, look at this and tell me which of these scenarios is more plausible? Your feelings lead you to #3, but your intellect says that it leads to a self-contradiction in character.

Think carefully about this: If he is telling you a lie ("we're only friends") and you believe it is not true, why are you seeking someone who is willing to lie to you? Why do you want someone whom you basically said you can't trust to say what he means?

"Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful" (Proverbs 27:6).

I am twelve years old. My crush's birthday is the day after mine. He is always saying he only likes me as a friend, but I told him that I liked him as more than just a friend. I like him a lot; I just don't want to ruin our friendship. He said it was cool because we are such good friends. Should I ask him out and see what happens or should I just wait?

[The following came the next day.]

My friend told me why he didn't want to date me now. It's because he is afraid that we may break-up and not be friends any more. Does that mean he really doesn't want to date me any more? Or maybe he just really likes me. Do you think he likes me or what?

Let's try to look at this from a practical viewpoint. In most states, you will not be able to marry until your eighteen. So you are looking at a minimum of a six year relationship. Now think about the things you liked six years ago. (I know that was half your life ago, but this will make a significant point.) What were your favorite shows, foods, and activities? I suspect that your current favorites are drastically different today than they were six years ago.

At your current age, you are in a period of life where you are changing just as rapidly as you did from the time you were in kindergarten. Just as the things that you like then are different from today, so will be the things you like six years from now will be different.

It appears your friend understands this. It is good to have friends, but twelve is too early to think about commitments. Of course he likes you! He has said it. But I feel sorry for him because you don't believe him. You are wanting more from him than he is willing to give at this moment in time. You really ought to respect him by accepting what he has said.

Be friends. Do things together. Laugh and have fun. "Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth; walk in the ways of your heart, and in the sight of your eyes; but know that for all these God will bring you into judgment" (Ecclesiastes 11:9). If there is something there to build a permanent relationship upon, it will grow. If not, it will die off. All the pushing and prodding that you do will not change it one bit. Asking your friend out on a date won't make him like you more or less. Rushing life won't make it more pleasant.

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have ..." (Hebrews 13:5). The word "covetousness" means being greedy for something more. Life will be more pleasant if you learn to be happy with the way things are instead pushing to make things the way you think they ought to be. And it will close the door on a path Satan will use against you, to tempt you to go farther than you ought.