I read a verse today and thought about you.
"By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom" (Proverbs 13:10).
A big roadblock to leaving drugs and returning to righteousness is the addict's own pride. He is certain that he knows what is happening to himself that any mention of contradictory observations is immediately rejected. He is positive he knows how other people are going to react, so he defeats himself before he even tries.
I'm working with another man who is trying to get off of drugs. He was going through some really hard withdrawals and started thinking suicidal thoughts. He remembered that he was supposed to contact me, but all he had was email, so he sent me a note. Satan must have been involved because I didn't get the note. The Internet happened to be down at the time. He got a note back from some computer saying "I tried, but your note was rejected." In his befuddled state of mind, he thought I had sent the note back saying I gave up on him. He went off the deep end, but fortunately he called the police and they sent him to the hospital.
I didn't find out until the next day when he called and asked why I wasn't talking to him any more. It took a while to straighten things out and figure out what happened.
I mention this to illustrate that things could have gone seriously wrong because this man thought he knew what I was thinking. He was so confident that I wouldn't want to see him that he jumped to a wrong conclusion from a note that wasn't even from me.
My dear friend, don't make the same mistake. There are a LOT of people who love you, want you safe, and want you to be a part of their life. They've said "no" to drugs and won't let you bring them into their lives, but it doesn't mean they don't want you or love you. It's quite the opposite.
I hear you are making progress and have stopped using, at least for the moment. Take it one day or even one hour at a time. You're not out of your hardships yet, but you are traveling the right road. I'm praying that you make the entire journey.