You want to make your own choices now; the freedom to succeed or fail at your own hand. It grieves me that you throw that very freedom way with each puff of marijuana. It seductively tells you that you are going your own way while chaining you up and putting a ring in your nose. "For when they speak great swelling words of emptiness, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through lewdness, the ones who have actually escaped from those who live in error. While they promise them liberty, they themselves are slaves of corruption; for by whom a person is overcome, by him also he is brought into bondage" (II Peter 2:18-19).
You once were a free man, but your decisions are no longer your own. Every choice you make is being orchastrated by the slave master, marijuana.
I can't break those chains with my tears or my fury at what Satan is doing to you. I can only offer to help you find your own way out. "A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will" (II Timothy 2:24-26).
I'm praying for you, my friend.