The Way of Escape
I've always been certain that once you made up your mind to leave drugs, you would be able to do it. You did it before and stayed free for five years. But I've also seen your mule-headed determination. If you approached being free from drugs and living the Christian life the way you sometimes dig in to do things your way, there would be no question that drugs would lose out. I think that is why I've been disappointed hearing you say that you don't know if you can stop using or even commit to leaving drugs. I know that when you say that, you aren't even trying.
"Resist the devil and he will flee from you" (James 4:7). I know it happens. I've seen it happen. Not because of anyone's personal strength of will but because it is only one half of the equation. The full verse says: "Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you" (James 4:7). The way out of Satan's trap is through submission to God. Sadly, too few are willing to give themselves completely over to God. I thought you had that day you were declared not guilty. I think you actually did that day, but Satan got past your defenses shortly thereafter. It isn't that God isn't your way of escape; you stopped trusting His promise.
"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it" (I Corinthians 10:13).
There has always been a way out of your sins. You've been avoiding the truth. I've been waiting for your return. Don't be long.