My Sin Is Always Before Me
At times I suspect that thinking about how far you have fallen holds you back from getting back up. You're not the first to face the pits of despair. Ezra told God, "O my God, I am too ashamed and humiliated to lift up my face to You, my God; for our iniquities have risen higher than our heads, and our guilt has grown up to the heavens" (Ezra 9:5). The mighty King David after his sins of adultery and murder said, "my sin is always before me" (Psalm 51:3).
Satan plays on our guilt, chaining us down until we want to just give up. We can't face our friends, our family, our loved ones at church -- we can't face ourselves. We judge ourselves harsher than anyone else, including God, and declare we aren't worthy.
But behind it all is this one grain of truth: guilt holds us back because we are afraid. Have you ever thought why among all the deep dark sins, God listed "the cowardly" first in Revelation 21:8? Cowardice sends more people to hell than any other sin.
My friend, you are a stronger man than that. You have it in you to be like David: "Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions" (Psalms 51:2-3).
Your family, your friends, your fellow Christians, we all love you. Peter said, "And above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins"" (I Peter 4:8). And our shovels are at the ready to bury the past when you do come back to us.