I get so mad at my former boyfriend that it is effecting my life

Question:

Hello,

I am a member of the Lord's church. I have been going through a rough cycle of hurt, anger, and unforgivable times with my daughter's father. After we broke up a few years ago, it started to be rough with co-parenting with him.

I called off my relationship with him because I knew he wouldn't be a right fit to lead my daughter and I as a family. He wasn't happy with the breakup, so he was childish when it came to us co-parenting our daughter. Later I found out he moved in with some women, married a woman and didn't tell me. I wanted to meet her since my daughter would be around her and sleeping at her house. We met, but things went poorly because I was upset about why I had to find out my daughter was living with someone I didn't know, instead of him telling me.

A lot happened between my daughter's father and I after that. He wasn't trying to put her in a car seat, and he still doesn't. It's just so much stuff that happened and is still happening, and I get so upset -- to the point where I just wanted to go over their house and physically harm them. I get mad at my daughter, which I hate cause it's not her fault. So I'm constantly feeling bad because I'm treating my daughter unfairly when I get upset about them. I didn't want his wife to have anything to do with this, but since my daughters father doesn't know how to speak for himself, she starts to butt into the conversation. I only speak to his mother if I have inquires about my daughter.

It's just so much happened in the past that's effecting my future. I'm not enjoying life fully. I'm engaged and my fiance is wondering if I'll be a good wife because he see's how mad and angry I get about this matter. It hurts because I want to be happy and not think about them and the things that happened and the way I acted. I admit that I could have said and did things differently. That's why I am thinking about this day and night. I've prayed repeatedly. I don't know what to do.


Answer:

You mention a breakup, but you never refer to him as your husband, so what I am concluding is that you had committed fornication with a man and had a child as a result. You decided to call off the relationship, and he has moved on and married someone else.

However, you talk as if you want to control his life. I noticed that when he dated and married another woman you said, he "didn't tell me." Why should he? It sounds to me as if you are jealous. You wanted to not like the other woman, so you are uncivil with her. You search for ways to criticize him. And now your anger has spilled over to getting mad at your own daughter and your current boyfriend. It sounds to me that you want to control everyone around you, but you can't, so you get mad.

The only person you can control is yourself and at the moment, you're not doing a very good job of that. The guy is no longer in your life, beyond the fact that he and his wife takes care of your daughter part of the time. It isn't an ideal situation, but then it never has been because you didn't follow the Lord's commands from the start. You can't undo the past. You live with what you have and make the best of it, understanding that you can't control everything.