I became a member of the Lord's church back when I was 14, and I was faithful up until mental illness struck me when I was 16. I tried to live faithfully, but I started feeling that I was never good enough for God. At times I would purposefully do the wrong things because I didn't think God really cared about me, so I did things out of spite, but I never felt good about doing it. I used to have faith, trust, hope and reassurance in God, even when things got bad with my mental illness, and I knew deep down He'd pull me through. Well about seven months ago, I was doing really well mentally, but I stupidly took someone else's Ativans for one week, and it has destroyed my brain and mind! I fear God can't even fix or help me at this point.
I had a lady tell me "There's no guarantee that God, will help you." After she said that I lost every bit of hope, faith and trust I ever had in God. I don't think God, hears me or care to help me, and He's going to leave me in my misery and is punishing me for taking those Ativan pills, and I will live in a mental torment for the rest of my life! I have thought about suicide many times because nothing has ever been this bad for me mentally, and I see no other way out. I feel like God, is done with me and there's no help left for me. I'm scared! I fear I'm stuck this way. I live in mental torment every day! Can God get my mind to function properly again? Does He want me to have my sanity back? Doesn't He want me to have peace of mind and mental clarity again, or does He just want me to suffer until the day I die? I don't know what to do anymore. I need help!
Avitan is a drug used to treat seizures, anxiety, sleep disturbances, muscle spasms, and alcohol withdrawal. It is a depressant used to slow down neural activity. Its greatest danger is that it is an addictive substance, and with long term usage the body gets tolerant of it, so it loses its effectiveness. While there are numerous side-effects to this drug, none of them indicate any permanent changes to the brain. Therefore, I would conclude that the most likely problem is that you imagine that you damaged yourself and you are letting your fear get out of control.
Notice that because one person gave you her opinion, you launch off with a declaration that God no longer cares about you. This isn't based on anything God said in His word. This is some fallible human's opinion. But you give it more weight that God's own words on the matter. Now, is that God's fault or your own?
This isn't about what God does or does not do. This is about your need to exercise self-control. If you are having mental difficulties, then you need to see a doctor. If you want to talk about the reasonableness of your moral choices in life, then you talk with a preacher. Preachers can't solve mental problems that are rooted in a physical problem. We solve moral problems.
Why doesn't God remove handicaps? The answers are varied and in the end we have no idea why some people have burdens and others do not. What we do know is whatever burdens we face in life, they are there to be dealt with and overcome. "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4). This isn't time to wallow in self-pity. Learn to function with what you have. Learn to help others while living a godly life. Learn to overcome your fears and be patient with life. These are things within your capability.