I caught my fiancÚ lying and now I can't trust him

Question:

Hi and good day,

My fiancÚ and I are both Christians for some years now; however, I strongly believe that he has a problem with lying. He lies and makes others look bad, and he looks like the victim. Accidentally, I found out the truth about a matter and only when I confronted him was I told the truth.

How do I deal with this? Should I trust him again? Because I don't. I don't want to break off the engagement, but how do I move forward? I forgive him; yet, I can't forget, and I question everything. Is that OK? I am afraid to enter into a marriage with a person who lies and does not care about whose character he tarnishes to get his way or make himself look good. Please lend me some words of advice.


Answer:

Your boyfriend pretends to be a Christian, which is not the same as being a Christian. "But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death" (Revelation 21:8). People tend to think lying is not nearly as significant of a sin as, say, murder; yet, God lists them as equivalent because all sins carry a death penalty (Romans 6:23). None of us are perfect, but what separates the wicked from the righteous is a willingness to turn away from sin. The righteous cannot abide to remain in sin. "By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God" (I John 3:10).

It appears to me that you don't think your boyfriend has changed. I'm glad you are willing to forgive him of whatever he did against you, but without a change, you are rushing things. Notice that your "forgiveness" is basically just words. You can't put it behind you, and you are fearful that he will repeat this sin. "Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him" (Luke 17:3). When repentance is seen, then putting a fault behind you and moving on is much easier.

If you can't trust him, hanging on to your engagement is not doing you or him any good. Love "does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things" (I Corinthians 13:6-7). Too often we hang onto things because our past investment instead of looking at the future potential. If you are not going to be able to trust him, making his life miserable, by always doubting and questioning him, won't make your life better.