I read some sermon from your website about the person who was accepted Jesus, believe in him and went to church, but he turned back of his old way and sin again. It's like me now.
I went to the Bible college with my wife about ten years ago. We came back and helped lead a church, taught Sunday school, preached the word of God, and other stuff at church. But my wife died three years ago. She was very sick. I was trying to help her get better with my prayers and fasting. Sometimes I'd fast the whole week. She was sick for two years before she died.
After my wife passed away, be honest, I stopped believing in God. Why didn't God heal my wife and help my wife?
I loved my wife so much in my life. I'm going crazy. I'm out of my mind. I'm a stupid fellow now. I want to die. I don't want to live in this life anymore. Why, why, why?
I've gone back to my old ways of doing bad things. I'm drinking again and going to night clubs. I chose to work on Sunday. I don't want to go to church anymore. I'm struggling and feeling sick every day. Please. I need your help and your prayers for my lost soul. I'm far far away from God. I threw away my Bible. I don't want to touch it anymore. But I understand I'm not going to go to heaven if I keep living this bad life. I need your help by the word of God about my lost condition and your prayer for me please.
An overlooked point in the story of Job is that Job was never told why he suffered so much lost. The situation was never explained to him. We know from reading the introduction to the book, but Job wasn't told.
When it comes to the pain and suffering in this world, we aren't often told why they happen. There can be numerous reasons. See: Why Do Good People Suffer? What we do know is that they will happen and that we need to grow from the experience. "Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days" (Proverbs 19:2).
What this period of suffering has shown is just how weak your faith was. You joyously followed God when everything went well, but you turned against God when things did not go your way. "Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?" (Job 2:10).
Instead of growing by overcoming the difficulties in life, you have been trying to escape reality. You pretend to not believe in God, but in many hints you show that you are lying to yourself. If you had fully rejected God you would not be concerned about your eternal fate. As you've learned, drinking, partying, and womanizing doesn't bring contentment. Instead, you are piling up misery upon misery as you sink deeper into sin. You are currently not a man your wife would be proud to say was her husband in this life.
There is only one way out and that is through Jesus and his teachings. "Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me"" (John 14:6).
"Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For the time already past is sufficient for you to have carried out the desire of the Gentiles, having pursued a course of sensuality, lusts, drunkenness, carousing, drinking parties and abominable idolatries" (I Peter 4:1-3).
As it is, you are acting a bit like a child who screams, "You're not my mother!" when he doesn't get what he wants. You and I don't know all that went into God's decision regarding your wife, but one thing I do know is that decision was the best option in the long run.
I read your encouragement for me. I'm very interested and feel warm in my heart. I know I was trying to kill my soul by not going to God. I'm going to read your encouragement every day to keep me feeling better and stronger for God.
Yes, I want to see my wife again.
Thank you so much. I don't have something for you, just the result from you helping me. But may God bless you and your wife and your children, especially the church of Jesus Christ. Be filled with the blessings from God. I will remember you always in my prayers. Stay blessed.