It feels like I'm being forced to commit fornication

Question:

I am originally from a different country than the one in which I currently live. I am a 28 year old male.

A few years ago, I moved to this country to study. Prior to that I had tried to make something out of my life in in my home country, but I failed to do so. God gave me this opportunity to come to this country in very amazing ways. Even my unbelieving family accepts that it was God who brought me here.

I studied hard and got top grades in school. I graduated with my name on the Dean's List. Since then, try as I might, I have been unable to get a job here, while my classmates with lower grades have found jobs.

Several months ago I became totally broke. I couldn't feed myself and couldn't pay my rent. A Christian lady I met through ministry invited me to stay with her until I find a job. This lady is fifteen years older than me and a good friend. I did not have any other option. The only alternative was starving on the streets. I made it a point to make my intentions clear and told her, "God has given me an elder sister." I treated her like an elder sister. I really did. And she also started calling me her younger brother.

But, try as I might, I failed to find a job. I cry out to God day and night, but to no avail. It seems that my prayers are bouncing off the walls.

Last month I was totally depressed because I couldn't find a job. I didn't have enough money to go back to home either. This lady, with whom I was staying, suddenly jumped into my bed one night. In my depression and foolishness, I failed to resist and sinned with her. We didn't have sex, though; but a sin is a sin. Subsequently she wanted a relationship with me.

I was not ready, so I borrowed money from a friend to fly back home and even booked tickets. Unfortunately I missed my flight. So I am now staying with this lady and trying to find a job. It's either this or starve on the streets.

She is a very nice Christian lady and was my best friend and closest confidant before the fateful night, but she is 15 years older than me. I am not too happy about the age gap. And she is quite clingy in the relationship and is already talking about marriage.

We keep falling into a cycle of repeated sin and repentance. It appears that she is more keen to sin than me. I feel like I have no choice but to be in this relationship. I feel trapped. I just want to have an opportunity to choose. It is only fair to her that I choose her out of love and not out of compulsion. 

I wish God would give me a job, so that I can move out to a place of my own and can have an opportunity to choose. I am crying out to Him.

Do you have any advice for me?

Thank you


Answer:

Let's talk about the job situation first. I don't know what your area of study was but, regardless, the most important thing for you to do is to find some sort of work, even if it is not in your field or if below your level of education. There are a number of temporary employment agencies in the country you are in. Put in your application to about a half-dozen of them or so. Start taking short term jobs so that you have at least income coming in. Somewhere along the line, someone will be impressed by your skills and offer you a full-time position. It may not be your final job, but you keep working toward your goal and have some flexibility that your goals may change.

You seem to think that God is forcing you to marry this seductress. God never promotes sin. "Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone.  But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.  Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.  Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren" (James 2:13-16). You have choices that don't involve having sex with this woman. The reason this woman wants you to have sex with her is because she thinks this will force you to stay and marry her. If you really want to marry her, then by all means do so (I Corinthians 7:9). But if you are not interested in her, living in her house where she is constantly tempting you is a recipe for disaster. You are already repeatedly sinning with her and eventually you are going to give into her.

Consider this: Why would an older woman want to marry a young, unemployed man who is struggling to find a job? From a neutral standpoint, you are not good husband material at this moment.

You had one opportunity to leave the situation and you were careless. Living on the streets would be better than sinning, but I don't think it has to go that far. Check into homeless shelters -- there are a number in the country you are in. They are not great places, but it is a place to start rebuilding your life. You won't be there long if you get busy looking for jobs to do.

Thanks for your words of wisdom. I have an interview today. Hope it goes well.

About needing a place to stay, I'm going to approach my church about it.

Regarding the lady: I don't wish to marry her, but I feel a great deal of compassion and sympathy for her because she took me in when I was helpless. I wish none of this happened, so that I could have been her little brother for life. Now it appears that I'll have to erase her out of my life.

Please realize that it is because she is choosing sin that you have to take steps to protect yourself. Thus, you are not erasing her from your life, she made choices that doesn't allow her to be in your life.