We are having a really hard time not having sex before our wedding



I have a question concerning sex before marriage. My fiancé and I are getting married in about four months, and we are having a really hard time with not having sex.

Here's why we are struggling so much. We are so ready to commit fully to each other and bring our lives together as one. We don't live together, we are not having sex, we have talked about our future/our past/our present, we are on the same page spiritually about God being the center of our lives, and we are financially learning how to be responsible. We are both in our 20's. He has finished college and has a steady salary job. He is already saving, budgeting and investing. I am not quite done with college but will be done in the fall semester. We have financial plans to be completely debt free (except for house) in two-three years after we get married. We have great relationships with both his side and my side of family. We have a lot of the same values and goals in life. We want to be a God fearing couple and raise children who know who God is.

This is where we have the problem. We want to wait for marriage for sex, but the wedding is so far away, and we find ourselves really physically struggling. We are both depressed about the whole matter because we are both responsible and love the Lord.

Please help. We don't know what to do. We are ready to spend the rest of our lives together and we want to be intimate but are hindered by a date on a calendar.


You have several options:

  • If you are willing to have a smaller, simpler wedding, you can cancel your current plans and move the date up. It will likely cost you cancellation fees and I'm sure there will be family annoyed at you because it will change their travel plans.
  • You can get legally married immediately and have your formal wedding when you originally planned. I've know several couples who have done this.
  • You can tough it out like many other couples have done through the centuries.

But as you noted, what isn't an option is having sex before marriage. There are a number of ways to settle the matter without sinning.

Thank you very much for the response. Your feedback is very helpful. God bless!