Question:

Hello,

I am in deep need of your advice. I am in my early twenties. I've been seeing a lady in my department, and we've been having a secret affair both outside and some times at work when we are alone. Over this last few months we've had sex -- today makes the second time.

I invited her over to discuss the ungodly feelings and unclean activities we've been having. In the light of this we concluded and agreed we were going to make sure it doesn't happen again. But while she was leaving, we looked at each other and it unknownly resulted our having sex again. I immediately stopped at a point, sought her forgiveness and let her know that our committed toward God's work would simply go down the drain if this act continued. God Himself would not be happy with either of us again.

My challenge now seems to be controlling my feelings and thoughts, not yielding to the things of the flesh again. I've repented of my ways with her in the earlier months, but I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it. I've tried to avoid her, but we been alone together in the department often. My committed to the God and the church I'm attending is very essential to me and I believe I am fulfilled. This is the major environment I can use my talents and skills.

Please, what can I do? Should I leave the church? What and how do I repent and start living a godly life again? Your recommendation is greatly appreciated. Please help me.


Answer:

Men typically think of themselves as the aggressors in sex, so when confronted with a woman actively trying to get their pants off, they think that the problem is totally their fault. You stated that you "unknowingly ... had sex again." I would argue that one of you knew perfectly well what she was doing. It was only unknowing to you because it wasn't your intention. There are several passages in Proverbs dealing with this type of woman, but for now I want you to read: The Seductive Path.

The best answer to this problem is to get away from her. "Now then, my sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth.  Keep your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house" (Proverbs 5:7-8). This is not to say that you don't have responsibility for these sins -- you do. But when you know you have a weakness, the best solution is to avoid it completely. You set yourself up for failure when you invited her to come over to talk, knowing that the two of you would be alone.

Therefore, you are correct. You need to find a better church and another job immediately so you no longer run into her. Godliness requires being sober-minded (I Thessalonians 5:4-8). You cannot ignore the warnings of danger and think the danger will ignore you. You are a young man with a strong sex-drive, so you cannot suppose that you can be alone with women and always behave as a Christian ought to behave.

Thank you, sir. God bless you abundantly.