Question:

I have this lady I love so much, but since the day I heard she is not a virgin any longer, I became disconnected from her in my heart. I'm not beginning to think like I too should have sex with someone, so we can be equal. This thought is devilish. I'm not someone who can do that, but it is coming to my heart. 

Please be plain with me, can you share with me dangers of not marrying a virgin? Will I miss something apart from not being the one who broke her virginity? I have not propose to her, but I'm afraid if this means anything in future, especially that I want to be a pastor. How will my self-worth be when I meet the guys she has slept with before? What if they ridicule me based on what they once had with my wife? Please counsel. Is there an example of a successful pastor who didn't marry a virgin you like to share with me? 


Answer:

There is no requirement in the Bible that only virgins get married. Christians are not to commit fornication, but sometimes that does happen (I Corinthians 6:9-11). There is no requirement for preachers, elders, or deacons to only marry virgins. When a person marries, they are to remain faithful to that person for the rest of their life.

As evidence, the prophet Hosea was told to select a prostitute as a wife. "When the LORD first spoke through Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea, "Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children of harlotry; for the land commits flagrant harlotry, forsaking the LORD"" (Hosea 1:2). God did this because He wanted an illustration that required an unfaithful wife, which Gomer proved to be. But the point is that Hosea and Gomer were legitimately married.

The fact that you are unwilling to forgive a woman you claim to love proves that you are not ready for marriage. The idea that you can sin to have something "good" result is ridiculous. "And why not say (as we are slanderously reported and as some claim that we say), "Let us do evil that good may come"? Their condemnation is just" (Romans 3:8).

I always tell couples who are considering marriage that they should be honest if they are asked if they have had sex before, but that they should decline to tell any details. One reason is because it makes it awkward when you meet a former partner. But the other reason is that no one should be competing with the past.

As Hosea illustrates, marrying a woman who has slept with many men and who has not fully repented of her past can lead to temptation to be unfaithful in the future. I don't know if this applies to the woman you are dating or not.