Question:

Hi,

I met this guy online 5 months ago. We decided to meet after one week for coffee, and little did I know he lured me to his place and we had sex. I was a virgin.  After, I told him that I don't usually sleep with men on the first date that I respect  and value myself. He said that he likes me and wants to date me.

We ended up dating but only see each in other on the weekend because of the nature of his job, which he lied about initially.  He told me he's a construction worker, then later on in the relationship revealed that he's a police officer.  During our relationship he hardly ever texted or called. He only does when he wants to meet. Whenever I tell him that I feel neglected, he'd say that he's busy with work and that I'm not understanding. Like I said, we only meet on weekends and when we do, he always takes me to his place. We seldom go out and do anything fun. Every time I ask him about where our relationship is heading he'd say that we're getting to know each other, don't rush anything.

I know I'm sinning and want to stop. I feel so guilty and ashamed to pray.  How do I tell him I can't sleep with him anymore?

Thanks


Answer:

Your description has all the classic traits of a woman being used by a man as a mistress. I would not be at all surprised if you found out that he's married and has children.

You really know nothing about this man. He is clearly avoiding being seen in public with you. I don't know if you actually saw this man's badge or if he is claiming to be an officer to cover why he doesn't return your calls -- a policeman is expected to work long and odd hours. The only thing he meets you for is sex every other weekend.

You've already established that he is not a good man. He is a fornicator and a liar. He corrupted at least one woman who was trying to live a godly life (you). There are likely many more.

Send a note that you are breaking the relationship off. Block his number. Stop using on-line dating sites. It is too easy for people to pretend to be someone they are not. Never go to a man's place without other people coming with you and for the same reason never invite a lone man to come to your place.

Meanwhile, change your life (II Corinthians 7:10-11). Give up any more sex until you find an honorable man who marries you first before suggesting you go to bed together (Hebrews 13:4). And pray to the Father, who wants you as His child (I John 1:9).

Hi Jeffrey,

Thank you so much for replying.

I didn't believe him when he said he's a cop, so I asked to see his badge and he did show it to me, along with pictures. I know that doesn't negate what he did to me. He's not married but has slept with many women prior to me and perhaps he still is.

We had a talk, and I told him it is over. It hurts because even though he treated me badly, I prayed and had hope that things would change. I never expected to lose my virginity to someone who's not my husband. I prayed and repented for my sins and will utilize my time to get right with God and find a good Bible-based church. I'm also praying for his salvation because I care for his soul.

I hope God helps me to find a good Christian husband. I'd really like to have a family of my own; it's my strongest desire.

Rather than look for someone whom you think you can change, find a man who is already the type of man you want to marry. Few people actually change unless they personally see a need to change.

True. Thank you very much, Jeffrey. May our Lord Jesus always bless you.