Question:

I was researching the forms of fornication and how to deal with my present life. I am a 25 year old lady with two kids from one man, but we aren't married yet. Because I sinned, it has drawn me away from God, and I feel bad for all the wrong mistakes I have made in my life. My fiance and I are living in the same house, which leads us to having sex repeatedly. I called him "fiance" because we did have an introduction party in my country where the two families meet and make their intentions known to each other. He sees it as more or less like a marriage, but we haven't done the marriage. He wants me to be acting like a wife (sex, cooking and taking care of the home).

I want to give my life totally to God and be born again, but I feel I can't fulfill all forms of righteousness because I stay in the house with a man with whom I have sex. I have stopped having sex with him lately because of my decision, which he is not cool with.

My questions are: Is it a sin to keep having sex with him until we get married, since we both have kids for each other? Is it right for me to stay under the same roof with him if he is not cool with my decision to stay celibate? Or can I stay with him regardless of how he treats me if I stand on my decision to be celibate and hoping prayer can change him to be who I want him to be?

I will greatly appreciate your feedback.


Answer:

God is not going to take a person's free will away from him. Therefore, praying that God change him would be going against God's will. Pray that he is given an opportunity to change. Pray that you have the wisdom to answer his concerns.

As you noted, you and this man are not married. Intentions were announced, but not followed through upon. By having sex, you are committing fornication. "Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). Since you have two children with this man, I'm assuming you been in this situation for several years and nothing has changed. Likely nothing will change. After all, as things stand, he has everything he wants without a commitment on his part. Going through with the marriage becomes an expense and a bother. Of course he isn't happy that you stopped having sex with him. You undermined his pretense that he has a real family.

Living with a man you are not married to and who thinks it is his right to have you in his bed is not going to work. He will be constantly trying to seduce you.

Make arrangements to move out until he decides to marry you. Make it clear that you want him as a husband and not as a live-in boyfriend. Then he has to make up his mind, is he going to honor the commitment he made and marry you or tell the world he was lying the whole time.