I have an issue that's been eating me up for a while. I love my wife. She loves me. I don't want to lose her and I'm sure she feels the same. The problem is about history. We were both virgins before we got married. However, she "did stuff." She was involved with one of her exes, and they touched each other and even got naked with each other though they never "did it." I, on the other hand, never did that with my any of my exes. I never as much as kissed. The furthest I ever went was just a hug, and even then it was just a friendly hug.
She told me all this before we got married, and I was OK with it because I appreciate that no one is perfect, and we all have made mistakes. I know that she made those mistakes, and I love her all the same.
However, sometimes I just feel funny about the whole issue. I feel as if it's not fair that I held out and she didn't. It's not as if I couldn't do those things as well, but I was "saving" myself for my future wife. I know it sounds crazy, but I sometimes wish that I also had at least touched one of my exes. I know that sexual imorality is sinning against God, and she did me no wrong. I don't know what comes over me, but sometimes the whole issue just comes to my mind, and it saddens me deeply. I have never told her about it.
I love her very much. But these thoughts just pop up now and then. Its almost as if I wasted my time in "saving" up for her.
"Do not fret because of evildoers, Be not envious toward wrongdoers. For they will wither quickly like the grass And fade like the green herb" (Psalms 37:1-2).
"Do not let your heart envy sinners, But live in the fear of the LORD always. Surely there is a future, And your hope will not be cut off" (Proverbs 23:17).
"Do not be envious of evil men, Nor desire to be with them; For their minds devise violence, And their lips talk of trouble" (Proverbs 24:1-2).
Your wife sinned in her past in a way that you did not sin. That doesn't mean you didn't have your own set of sins, it is just in this one area she went a different path than you did. But don't envy her sin because that was a dark point in her life. You are treating it as if it was high point.
I know you wonder what would have happened if you had done something similar, but consider that likely you would have not stopped with touching or nakedness. Having gone that far, you would have gone further, and then you would not be the man you are today.
You didn't just save yourself for her. You also obeyed God and you practiced self-control that many guys in this world lack. You have something that those other guys don't have -- a clear conscious in regards to this type of sin.
You need to let the past go. Your wife sinned, but thankfully she left all that behind to serve God. You need to leave it behind as well. You have better things to do with your spare time.