Question:

I am about to get married to a young woman who lives in a poor country. I love God and desire Him truly. She is an orphan and raised in the church by a kind of missionary mother. She believes almost everything I do. We are set to marry in a few weeks, but things have gotten a little odd.

Conversation has turned sexual and she has exposed herself a few times to me. When I went there, instead of leading me to the Word, she wanted to kiss a lot and touch physically, which I understood then a little because we are so far apart. I am wondering if I should marry her. Is this excitement due to us being married soon and her doing these things or could it be a much deeper issue that I may be dismissing?


Answer:

This has all the marks of a spiritually dangerous situation. When a person's words do not match her actions, you must consider the actions as closer to the truth. "You will know them by their fruits. Grapes are not gathered from thorn bushes nor figs from thistles, are they? So every good tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, nor can a bad tree produce good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. So then, you will know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:16-20).

Her use of sexual behavior smacks of someone trying to keep you distracted so that you don't look too closely. I'm positive that her primary motive is to move to your country to gain citizenship, but I can't rule out that she might be hiding things, such as already being married or some other problems. She might gain her citizenship and then "discover" that she has family whom she'll want to bring over.

Perhaps I'm being overly cautious, but I would strongly recommend that you do not marry her until you have a complete background check done by a reputable firm. I would also suggest having a faithful preacher (which may be hard to locate) in her area go and talk to her to find out if she is just pretending to be a Christian or not because the behavior she has show you is not that of a faithful Christian. Excitement is a reason you would overlook these clues, it is not an excuse for how she behaved.