Question:

I am a born again Christian just over five years. Since then I haven't been involved in any sexual relationship, but before I became born again, I was involved with someone with whom I have a child. He moved to another country a few years ago.

Now the thing is, he has been telling me that we should get back together. I informed my pastor about this and he asked me to tell him to come to church, so that they can talk. I told him as I was requested, and he told me that he will do so. But in all these years he hasn't come to our country. We have been communicating only via telephone and last month he came to my country to visit. We hugged but nothing happened. However, he wants to come again and stay for the next six months.

Now my concern is: this week when we spoke on the phone, he spoke to me that he wants another child with me. I told him that we will talk. To be honest with you, I am worried that I might end up falling because it's not easy to be in a relationship with a person that you have a child with especially from my cultural background. This is wrong. That is why I decided to pop my question to you. I love him, and I really want to be with him. But I want us to get married first. Is it possible for a couple to be married without a licence immediately?

My other question is, if he comes now, and informs my pastor that he wants to marry me, will he be put on waiting period since he is not a member of our church? Is there a quick way of getting married without a licence from church so that we will not fall in sin? And lastly, what best advice will you give me so that I can stay strong not to fall in sin?

Thank you so much for your help. May the Lord bless you.

 


Answer:

Since he came to your country last month, why didn't he meet with your preacher?

If he comes, he has to find his own place to stay, especially since he has already told you that he wants to have sex with you and it appears he doesn't care whether the two of you are married. Until you are married, don't spend time in a private setting with him. The temptation will be too great.

I looked up your country's marriage laws and there is no waiting requirement. If your preacher does not wish to marry you, you can always get a civil marriage done by the government.

Now, what I want you to think about is why has he not married you in all these years? Why has he spent years not involved in his child's life, but wants another child? How sure are you that he doesn't have another woman in another country? I hate pointing out these questions, but I want you to make a good decision concerning your life and your child's life.