Question:

Hi.

I just need someone to talk to. I hope you have time to read this. It's really confusing.

It seems like I've been living in a fantasy world and reality is slowly creeping in. I've always studied and read the Bible since high school. I read all sorts of Bible study material. I've read Seventh Day Adventist, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, you name it. There seemed to be a common, agreed upon pattern of living. A pattern that is supposed to be from the Bible. A pattern where before anyone does anything, he or she considers what the Bible says and then strives to follow that pattern.

I will give a simple example regarding sexual relations: those who are not married should not engage in sex, even in things like sexual touching. I've read quite a number of articles on your web site and you strongly emphasize that point. Actually that point is emphasized in virtually all denominational writings.

So here's the story: I've been 'saving up myself,' avoiding even such things as a simple kiss. But now it's almost as if I'm living in a fantasy world. No one is a virgin anymore. I actually suspect that one of my girlfriends who left me did so because i would not engage in touching with her. There are friends of mine whom I also thought shared the same sentiment as I, only to have them tell me that they have been sexually active.

I used to always look at the scripture which reads, "Lord, they have killed Your prophets and torn down Your altars. I am the only one left, and they are seeking my life as well"? And what was the divine reply to him? "I have reserved for Myself seven thousand men who have not bowed the knee to Baal." I always had a deep conviction that there are always people following God. But now I am discovering and hearing about various shenanigans within the church. Preachers being at the heart of various scandals. Some of them being known to approach young teenagers at church. Respected church elders with various "stories".

Actually it seems to now be more of a disadvantage to be a virgin because no gal will want you since you have "no experience " and you will be virtually useless. The ladies I used to respect, all have various "histories" and here I'm talking about even those as young as 15 or 16. I really don't know what to make of all this.

I know I haven't really asked a question. But I just want someone to talk to.


Answer:

Since each denomination you've looked at have at least a basic acceptance of the Bible, it is not surprising that their moral codes are similar. But what determines the truth is not the denomination but the Bible. "Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth" (John 17:17).

What happens is when you are certain of a particular answer, you don't pay attention to contradictory evidence. I know hundreds of people who were virgins on their wedding night. I will admit that such are getting harder to find, but it isn't impossible. In addition, I know a far greater number of people who wished they had saved their first time for sex for their wedding night. I understand you are frustrated, but you never get good out of evil. "And why not say, "Let us do evil that good may come"? --as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just" (Romans 3:8).

I don't know what church you belong to, but perhaps you are with a group who has little respect for God and His message. Finding true followers of God might ease your mind.

From a Christian sister:

Brother Hamilton,

I just wanted to make some comments to the man who wrote recently to you, asking "Am I the only virgin left?" When I read what he said, I wanted to encourage him not to throw it away, to state that I myself am one, and that I had a college roommate who was also a virgin until her marriage.

I have known multiple people over the past several years who have given theirs away. One of these individuals just so happens to be one of my closest friends, and she now can't stand it when people sleep around or support it, these things really bother her because she knows what kind of damage sex before marriage causes.

There is a particular line of his message to you that caught my attention: "Actually it seems to now be more of a disadvantage to be a virgin because no gal will want you since you have 'no experience' and you will be virtually useless." Well, please allow me to be honest: I would rather have a virgin than someone who is not. I'm by no means saying those who are not virgins can't repent, they most certainly can. I would be willing to have a relationship with a man who has truly repented of his fornication and, therefore, isn't just trying to use me. After all, I myself am by no means perfect with some past baggage of my own that I hope someone would be gracious with me about. I would also like to add that if a woman only wants an experienced man, she's not worth your time, just like a man who only wants me for sex isn't worth my time of day. We deserve more respect than being treated like trash, and I'll take being single for the rest of my life over being someone's object, rather than someone to truly love.

From my own personal experience: Is it tough being a virgin? Absolutely. Yet when I have been asked by those who did not wait, why I want to wait, I give the same answer: "It will give me something to look forward to on my wedding night. I will want to share all of that with my husband, nerves and all. That to me, is beautiful." There's no way I'm going to give something so intimate and precious to just anyone, and I hope every other virgin out there remains in this same mindset until their marriage.