Question:

Recently my boyfriend and I have been struggling with waiting until marriage to have sex or having sex before. I want to try to have sex after marriage but recently we have done oral sex to each other to satisfy the sexual urges we have.

The point is, my boyfriend and I both are struggling because we don't want to get married, make that type of commitment, and then what if we aren't sexually compatible? What if we agree the sex we have with each other is bad? I don't want to be stuck with him for the rest of my life just because we wanted to have sex. This is both of our worst fears.

I really need someone to give me reasons why I should wait until marriage because I need the strength to wait, despite the fear of not being compatible.

And please do not throw scripture at me about sexual immorality. Yes I know sex before marriage is a sin or it was a sin back then in biblical times. I did not come here to be judged, I came here for help because I don't know how to move forward.

What is more important? Sexual compatibility and contentment or that thing called a marriage license we both would have to sign and then questionable sex?


Answer:

Hmm, a person asking a preacher for reasons why she should wait until after marriage to have sex, but she doesn't want the preacher to justify his statements by citing God's word. Sorry, I just can't be that unreasonable, so if that offends you, you might as well stop reading now. But if you want the truth, then we have something to discuss.

I know you don't believe in the Bible and see it only as an outdated book. Technically that means you are not a follower of Christ, even if you like to call yourself "Christian" -- I'm not certain if you do or not. "But why do you call Me 'Lord, Lord,' and do not do the things which I say?" (Luke 6:46). But this also means that you have no firm standard for making moral decisions. Any argument I would present would be arbitrarily rejected because your opinion is equal to anyone else's. Without a source of authority greater than you or I, there can be no reasoned discussion.

The idea that a male and female are not sexually compatible is false. The act of sex is something that can be learned and is normally learned when a husband and wife begin engaging in sex. Reasons for waiting until after marriage are presented in Waiting for the Proper Time.

But you are also fulling yourself. You may have put off intercourse, but you have already engaged in sex. Oral sex is just as much sex as intercourse.