Question:

What does it mean when your fiancee suddenly seems to have lost interest in you? She no longer texts as often as she used to and whenever I ask her if anything is wrong she says no. I've told her it's all right, if she doesnt love me anymore, tell me, but she insists that I am seeing things that are not there. She used to text a lot and we would talk a lot, but she has just suddenly grown cold and quiet. I love her a lot, but she has grown overly cold. If I don't text her first, she doesn't make an effort to text me. I think the most painful part is that she is acting distant, and when I ask, she plainly denies it and says that I am seeing things that are not there and that she is still interested in marrying me. I've even observed that sometimes when we have plans to meet, she sometimes finds a very clever way not to meet: "my battery died" or "I had to do my hair." I am in a state of utter confusion. What should I do?


Answer:

Last night in Bible class we were discussing the church in Laodicea. "I know your works, that you are neither cold nor hot. I could wish you were cold or hot. So then, because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth" (Revelation 3:15-16). Your relationship serves as a good illustration of what Jesus was talking about.

We prefer for a relation to have some zeal, some fire, to it. We want people to be excited to see us and be with us. While we don't want relationships to end, a clean break is easier to deal with than being pulled along by false hopes that are repeatedly dashed.

Now, in any relationship high excitement can't be maintained. It takes too much energy. But it should settle down into a quiet confidence in where you stand with each other. You've told her that you have noticed things dying down, but she has done nothing to answer your concerns. Either that means she is taking you for granted -- assuming you will always be there without effort on her part -- or she has found someone else whom she is more interested in, but she isn't ready to make the jump yet.

One of the problems you are having is that you want her to decide to end the relationship. In a way, you are both being indecisive. Dating is about two people working together toward a goal of eventual marriage. If you don't think things are working out, if you don't want to be married to a woman who distances herself from you, then the best thing you can do is gently and politely call it off.