Question:

Hi,

I badly need someone to talk to and someone to give me advice as I am really in an extreme emotional pain. I'm several months pregnant. My boyfriend is separated and has children from his ex-wife. I have accepted that for he is getting his divorced this year after his on-going trial. We were in a long distance relationship until recently. Just last month I discovered that my boyfriend has a baby with his ex-girlfriend that he never mentioned about while we're dating "because he was afraid of me breaking up with him." I'm suffering emotionally. Please help me. I would be so glad to hear from you soon, to know what your thought about my situation, and what you think is right for me to do.

I'm in my twenties. When I met my boyfriend, he showed me a lot of respect and took care of me while my life was miserable. At that time I was working in a bar. I admit I met people, but believe me it wasn't me that time. I was focused on living life and exploring, so I was not thinking well. Before meeting him he was aware that I'm a very open-minded girl who only thought about travel, being single, and partying. I wanted to travel in order to explore more, experience life and be myself.

We started dating. He brought me everywhere that interested him, his sports bar, his place and even weekend get-a-aways. I liked him eventually, but I was vocal about not being ready for any commitment, especially getting pregnant or getting married soon. However whenever we were together it was just perfect. This is when he was vocal about falling in love with me. He wants to marry me. It was just after two weeks that he started to show me his love. It was magical. He said he loves me. I didn't believe it at first because it was too early to say that and he was aware that I was dating other guys. I was honest about that with him and he knows I don't want any relationship.

I like him and see him as a potential boyfriend. We exchanged messages. We see each other. We seem to be in a relationship already. Throughout the dating period I was only aware that he was separated and under stress because of his serious trial. I was aware of his financial status, which is bad. The only thing I was not aware of was his ex-girlfriend being pregnant.

One night I was hanging out with friends, which I think he knew, I certainly didn't hide it from him, so I failed to meet him the next day . He was kind of upset. He didn't bother to message or my calls. It was then that it hit me. It was painful and later I realized he had become very special to me.

That night he messaged me that he was hurt, he don't want anything to do with me anymore, then I understand where he coming from so I accept it and told him that I would still be his friend no matter what.

It almost midnight when I saw him in a bar, the bar where we first met. It was painful to see him in there as I can see he wanted to get over me. He approached me and kissed me on my cheek, but I ignored him. Later I decided to get this thing sorted out, so I approach him to go with me to another bar, but he refused and said I came here to cut you out my life. That hurt! I left and went to my friends' table and got a lot of tequilas. He came over again, texted me and still cared and even waited. l I got so jealous seeing some girl approaching him, but I guess that night proved that we fell for each other, so I went home with him! We argued, a big drama, but we ended up okay and in love!

It was after two months I realize I'm falling in love with him. I moved into his place. The relationship was totally amazing, we see each other in the future. I learned a lot from him. We were compatible in many ways: from music, to cooking, to sports, to movies, to even life quotes. We cuddled and we pretty much enjoyed each other's company. When we did argue, we didn't go to sleep without fixing it. We both know that we were still adjusting to the nearly 25 year age gap. But I was never so happy like this before. He is perfectly my soulmate, my true love. He showed me through his love and sacrifices. I didn't have time to think about his ex-girlfriend at all because he showed me love. I didn't end up wandering. I felt safe and secure.

Then I wanted a baby. I was thinking of having a baby with him. He was aware of that and he let me. He didn't stop me. He was not even controlling. He knew that there was a possibility that I would get pregnant, and I did.

I am having difficulty in my pregnancy, so I decided to go back to my home country. Before my flight back I saw that there is a message that intrigued me. I found a profile of another woman. Though I didn't read everything, I did find a "babe" word in it. He said it was his ex. They are friends and on good terms. I was the only the one having a baby with him. He never said anything but throughout that I was still blinded.

Then last month I decided to do some research and found a way to know his ex-girlfriend. I found pictures of them together back several years ago. Everything he said about his ex was not consistent. Then I found other a picture that showed a baby son. It was crazy. I didn't know how to react this time. I felt cold and heartbroken. I messaged him. He said he was sorry, and he said he didn't want to hurt me, he wants me as his wife, and that he is not giving up on me. I wasn't really happy about it. I started doubting.

We talk every day. He is supporting me financially. He is coming next month but he is going to visit his ex and his son too. I want to let go of him, but I don't have the courage because I want my child to have a father, even if it means I'm going to be in misery throughout my pregnancy! I need his support for now as I don't have any resources. Right now all I can think about is what happen after the trial. Will his case will be dropped, he proves his innocence or goes to prison? Do you think we have a future together? Now he is even calling my mom and telling my mom that he won't ever let me down, that he is winning the case for sure, that he is going to marry me and have future with him. He prays. We pray. You won't believe this, but my family is religious and conservative. They often go to church. I feel bad because I was too much of a sinner, but they accepted me and love me unconditionally. That love he has for me and often tell me he loves me unconditionally, that no matter what life throws at us he will be there always to love me unconditionally.

What shoudl I do? He never gives up on me. I am so weak, but I love him and don't want to just give up too, but I'm afraid if I can't take this anymore. What should I do, please? Yes I have prayed to the Lord and asked Him to forgive me. I even prayed for him mostly.

I'll appreciate if you can message me back as I have been looking for answers.


Answer:

You are asking someone to help solve problems that you created for yourself by ignoring God and His teachings. While you desire a solution, you indicate that you have no interest in serving Him because you think God would reject you. What you are doing is not right, but you are by no stretch of the imagination the worst sinner whom God has forgiven. The problem has never been on God's side, it has always been your desire to go against convention and be your own person.

You drink and commit adultery, which are contrary to God's law (Romans 13:13-14; I Corinthians 6:9-10; I Thessalonians 5:5-8). They are wrong because they cause harm. You got pregnant on purpose, so now you are dragging an innocent child into the mess you've created. You are dating a man who appears to have a criminal record (I know, he claims to be innocent), who is still married and has children he has abandoned, who has a child by another mistress, and has money problems. Yet, you think you are different and that he loves only you. He says he will always be there for you, but his history demonstrates a series of shattered lives. Besides, he is still communicating with his other mistress. His promises have no meaning.

Since he is an adulterer, by God's law he is not allowed a second marriage because that would continue his sin of adultery. Anyone marrying him would be joining him in adultery. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).

You need to stop living in a fantasy. Life is not about fun and games. You are responsible for your actions. You brought a life into this world with an unreliable and unworthy man. If you are not prepared to raise this child properly, you need to find a loving family to adopt the child. There is no reason this innocent child should join in your suffering.

But if you want to be an adult, then dump the man and find a good man to be your husband and the father of your child. Give up your ways of sin and become a Christian.