Question:

My husband and I been married about five years.We only dated for a year before we got married.

Through out those five years I've been the sole provider of the family. Now I understand that without some educationhe can't get the job he wants, but he will work somewhere for a year or two, then he end up getting fired or let go for some reason.

We havebeen separatedsince last fall.I've been unhappy since the third year of our marriage because I felt like I didn't matter. He put certain things before me, like weed and his friends. He doesn't romance me, but he wants sex. He doesn't take care of himself. I've tried talking to him about leading and cleaning himself up, but it doesn't work.

I'm not perfect either. Because I was nothappy in my marriage, I gambled. It put us in debt when he was working.I couldn't find a way to get through to my husband, so I left. Ileft because I was tired of the gambling, the weed, his so-called friends and the debt.

I have two kids. My oldest lives with her dad, but he doesn't have a vehicle to take herto school and back, so I have to take her. I have to find someone to watch my youngest. My schedule changes every month. I got myself together because I wanted a home for me and my children. I was tired of living with someone else when I left home. I felt that he was only mad that I left and couldn't bring him to work that was 30 minutes away there and back, make it in time to bringmy daughter to school, and myself to work. Now he is not working. He is living with hismom, who wants to kick him out because he's not doing anything to contribute, and he has hisfriends around.

My mom and I are now living together. She helps me with the youngest and picks up my oldest from school while I'm at work. What should I do? He wants to leave to go back to the city he came from because he feels like he has nothing left out here. Should I work it out or let him go find himself?


Answer:

By the time I read that your husband wasn't holding down a job, I figured that drugs were involved. Your husband is not going to find himself in another city. He is lazy and a drug addict. It is easier to blame others than face the problems he caused.

Unfortunately you've contributed to the problems as well. The situation isn't totally due to him, even if he is a major contributor. The claim that you gambled because you were unhappy in your marriage is a very lame excuse. And yet I notice that you blame your husband for your gambling instead of owning your own problems.

I'm also wondering why you are leaving your oldest child with a drug addict. Having the child living with you would solve some problems regarding time. And if it is really your goal to have a home for your children, then you will have to have them with you.

None of this allows you to marry someone else. You can talk to your husband and let him know that when he gives up the drugs and gets a steady job then you will be willing to talk about living together again. Meanwhile, you need to pay off your debts and stop the gambling. Gambling is a waste of money and you certainly have none to throw away. Whether he stays there or moves somewhere is his decision. However, in your own decisions, you need to think about how you are going to raise your family in case he never does straighten himself out.

So, yes, you should work things out with your husband, not compromising with sin, but coming to an agreement to live righteously before God.