Question:

My father is an abusive person: verbally and physically. My mum is a very fragile person with a warm heart. The problem is my father has been giving me a hard time for too long. Right now I am 21 and I still have not finished my education. That is why I am still living under his roof, since he pays for my education. He is being violent and aggressive with my mum as well, but, as with many other women, she chooses to stay so as to not harm me and my brother. I have decided to leave, but my heart is aching because of the pain I will cause my mother. She does not support my choice of leaving, so I will have to do it behind her back.

I am so confused. Should I consider my mum's feelings and stay for her sake, or should I leave and start my life without humiliation and violence?


Answer:

Each person is responsible for their own decisions. Your mother currently stays with your father because she believes she is able to protect you and your brother. Your decision to leave is your own to make since you are an adult. Your mother can advise, but the choice remains your own. Perhaps your leaving will encourage her to either take a stand against her husband's abuse or to also leave. Your staying causes nothing to change.

Now with the decision to leave comes responsibility. You need to figure out how to live on your own, how to earn an income, and how to finish your education. Once you leave, you will not likely receive any more help from your father. Therefore, make sure you know where you will go next and don't leave impulsively.

Thank you very much. This helped a lot.