Question:

Hi Jeff,

I am happy I found your site and I have a question. I am in my late thirties, single and had sex with just my ex-boyfriend in the past probably twice after four years. I been through a lot the past couple of years and God has blessed me in so many ways. I lost my mother and other things happened, but I am finally understanding why He took her as a way of coping. She was ill. She was an amazing woman and I have large shoes to fill.

As I seen He blessed me, I promised not to be involved in any negative activity and this weekend. I met a guy and had sex with him -- partly because I felt drawn into sin from surrounding friends I feel are all getting their lives together and moving forward in a similar fashion. I promised God, not to be involved in sexual activity, I broke my promise and I feel awful. It was pointless and I have no idea why it happened.

I am Catholic and committed myself to God and helping others and I am determined to continue this mission. I have most of my friends who tell me that's the life I should be living, and I am too old to be worried about abstaining. It's been years, and I am not a sexual person at all and really pray every day for a husband and family. I think about it now and it's like I felt left out of the other sinful lives my friends were living and it made me break my promise to God.

What can I do? I am returning to church and going to reconciliation tomorrow as a start and restarting my commitment. Please offer any advice you can. Thank you.


Answer:

A part of the problem is that you were avoiding sex, not because God said it was wrong but because you promised you would not. It is a warped way of thinking because it puts you in the driver seat instead of you following God. A person doesn't commit fornication because God says it is wrong. But because you made it a personal choice, when you faced peer pressure to have sex, it was easy for you to change your choice.

Why it happened can be summed up in "Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals"" (I Corinthians 15:33). When you have friends who encourage you to sin, it is past time to get new friends. "My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent" (Proverbs 1:10). Yes, sinners look like they are having all the fun, but they aren't considering the consequences of their actions.

"Behold, these are the ungodly, who are always at ease; they increase in riches. Surely I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocence. For all day long I have been plagued, and chastened every morning. If I had said, "I will speak thus," behold, I would have been untrue to the generation of Your children. When I thought how to understand this, it was too painful for me - until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I understood their end. Surely You set them in slippery places; You cast them down to destruction. Oh, how they are brought to desolation, as in a moment! They are utterly consumed with terrors" (Psalms 73:12-19).

I'm not Catholic. I'm simply a Christian. Reconciliation is through Jesus and not through a church. "For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only this, but we also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation" (Romans 5:10-11). I'm glad you are turning from your sins. But commit yourself to following God and no one else because God holds your destiny in His hands. "I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that have no more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear the One who, after He has killed, has authority to cast into hell; yes, I tell you, fear Him!" (Luke 12:4-5).