Question:

I have a lot of unanswered questions. I am not at peace in my current living situation. Recently I agreed to live with a Christian man whom I've known for a long time, and I've grown very uncomfortable with the arrangements.

Let me start by saying that my ex-husband and I were friends with him and his ex-wife, so there was history and familiarity between us. After my divorce ten years ago, I relocated to another state. The man I'm now living with divorced five years ago. He located me on a social site through my ex's page a few years ago. There was an attraction, but at that time I had no interest nor desire to relocate back to the state I had left. We stayed in touch and talked occasionally during those years.

Earlier this year I had a trip to his city. He came to the hotel to see me. Needless to say, it quickly became a physical relationship. Only a few months later, we decided to be in a relationship. I left my new state and moved in with him. Having had numerous failed relationships I so desperately needed and desired God's blessing, hand, and guidance in this relationship, so I told him I was going to fast 40 days. He agreed to fast with me. We still did not abstain from sex. After our fast, he said to me to be ready because the enemy is coming to destroy what God has joined.

My spirit has never been at peace with the decisions I was making. I told him to ask his deacon if how we were living was OK. The deacon responded that as long as we were in separate rooms and no sex, then it was ok. I never agreed with his reasoning since we are to flee sexual immorality and not to make any provisions to sin. The man I'm living with believes that our relationship was arranged and ordained by God. I believe otherwise since our initial intentions were to only gratify the flesh.

My concerns are:

  • Is our relationship arranged and ordained by God?
  • Is the devil trying to destroy what God has joined together?
  • Am I allowing my mind to be influenced by the devil and other outside influences that our situation is sinful?
  • Is it OK to live together without being sexual?
  • If we get married, are we entering a covenant relationship and will it be blessed?

Thank you for all honest feedback for I truly want to seek God and have given into fleshly desires and have lost my way.


Answer:

"Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

"And why not say (as we are slanderously reported and as some claim that we say), "Let us do evil that good may come"? Their condemnation is just" (Romans 3:8).

I'm shaking my head, wondering how anyone could think that God arranged for two people to sin together. "Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God"; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone" (James 1:13).

To put it simply and bluntly, the two of you have been sinning. You've been following the lead of the devil because you don't honor what God has said but instead put your trust in your feelings of the moment. And you are searching for additional excuses when, after having sex multiple times with this man, you think that you can just live together and not be sexual.

I don't know if either of you can marry again. A second marriage is only allowed in the case that your first spouse had died (Romans 7:2-3) or because your marriage ended due to fornication by the other other spouse (Matthew 19:9).