Question:

My question is regarding sex outside of marriage. I know God tells us not to do it. And I have regrettably led a life thus far where I knew God's commands, but chose to ignore them thinking I knew what was best. I'm struggling to find my way back to the straight and narrow. I'm just confused on what God expects from me at this point.

I have slept with my current girlfriend. We both allowed ourself to give in to feelings and passions, instead of doing what we both knew to be right. What I'm unsure of is what does God want me to do now? In His eyes, have I committed myself to her? Should I marry her since I've taken her heart?

More than anything else in this world I can now say that I want only to please God. I have repented of my sins and truly believe I have been forgiven. I've poured through scripture after scripture desperately trying to find an answer. All I see to find is that sex outside of marriage is a sin, that God hates divorce, and that men should not "deal treacherously against the wife of his youth."

I am in such a sad state, I have allowed my mind to be ravaged by drugs and alcohol and other sins. I can't seem to find my way. All I can find is God's ideal plan for mankind, which I have clearly messed up for myself. What does God want someone like me to do? Do I honor this girl and marry her? Do I walk away and risk damaging her forever? I can't stand the thought of ruining one of God's daughters just because I wasn't able to control my emotions.

Thank you so much for taking time to read this and respond. I want to live my life by God's word alone. I just need some help in getting there.


Answer:

I think that you are letting yourself get overwhelmed by the quantity of the things you've done wrong. The pile looks so big that it feels impossible to handle so you do nothing because you have no idea where to start. What is really needed is to get busy doing what you can.

First off, have you stopped the sex, drinking and drugs? Because to repent means that you turned your back on your past life of sin. You might stumble occasionally, but you've made up your mind that this is no longer going to be your life. "Therefore, since Christ suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same mind, for he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh for the lusts of men, but for the will of God. For we have spent enough of our past lifetime in doing the will of the Gentiles -- when we walked in lewdness, lusts, drunkenness, revelries, drinking parties, and abominable idolatries" (I Peter 4:1-3).

In regards to this girl you've been having sex with, the sex did not create a marriage. See: Am I married because I did sexual acts with my girlfriend? What you did was sin with her. You now have two options: you can either break up or decide that you really want to be married to each other. The option you don't have is to continue trying to live halfway in between those two states because the temptation will be too great to have sex again. "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9). This is something I can't answer for you. You have to decide if you want this girl to be your wife for the rest of your life or not. Even then, she also has to decide if she wants you to be her husband for the rest of her life as well.

In addition, you need to get right with God. Since I don't know you or your background, I would like you to read: What Must I Do to be Saved? If there are things you have not done to become a true Christian, then it needs to be corrected.