Question:

Hello,

Almost two years ago I found out that my husband was having inappropriate conversations with women. I prayed for God to reveal to me what I needed to know. That's when I spoke to one of the women that my husband was having an affair with last year. He insisted the affair stopped with that particular person but in my heart, spirit, and mind I felt that there was still something going on. I begged and begged for us to go to counseling with our preacher and wife. After a couple of months he finally agreed.

We went to counseling and attempted to work out our issues, but again I knew something wasn't quite right. I asked God again to reveal it and He did. One evening while watching TV my husband was texting someone, but I received the text. These texts suggested that he was talking to another woman. He fell asleep, and I looked through his locked phone after figuring out his pin. I found out from that text and several more that my husband was having another affair, this time with a woman at his job. I confronted him and he admitted to me what had happened. I was so broken, hurt, depressed, unhappy, insecure, angry, etc.

My question to you is: It has been nine months since I found out about the affair, but I have yet to forgive him. How can I forgive him and not be haunted with his infidelities? Sometimes I want to stay in my marriage, other days I want to run. I know forgiveness is for me and not him, but I find it hard to even do for me.

Please help me.


Answer:

"Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I repent,' forgive him" (Luke 17:3-4).

You mentioned that he admitted his affairs, but you never said whether he asked for forgiven or is changing his ways. If he is seeking to do right, then you are required to forgive him. "For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions" (Matthew 6:14-15).

It appears to me that you don't truly believe he has changed.

If he is continuing to commit fornication, you have the option of ending the marriage. It is not required, but the option is there if you think he will not change. "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9).