Question:

Good evening minister.

I am a Christian and very influential to both the young and the old. I am 29 years old but, due to circumstances, I am still living with my parents.

I read one of your posting about the answer to the question: How do you repent of having sex out of wedlock and a baby is on the way? When I read your response, it helped me a bit since I am currently in this situation.

I have a potential life partner with whom my folks, who are also Christians, are aware that we are dating and planning to get married. We've known each other for less than 6 months but based on everything I've discovered, he seems like a great potential life partner. Told my parents about it but my father insisted that he is doing some spiritual background checking before he can approve that we'll continue our relationship.

Unfortunately, during this time my potential life partner and I got carried away with emotions, and I'm now about 2 months pregnant. After this happened my partner and I realized what we had done and genuinely asked God to forgive us, and we believed He had.

I had no choice but to inform my parents of our status and, of course, they were very disappointed especially because of my reputation in church and even outside of church, my influence on my siblings, and, of course, their status as deacon and deaconness in the church. My father likened our case to that of David when God decided to kill the baby that Bathsheba bore for him out of fornication. He stated that God will forgive both me and my potential partner, but the unborn baby God does not have delight in him. Since he has not approved of our relationship too, he does not have any hand in this situation until "we turn away, and forsake our sins." I believe what he is insinuating is for me to get rid of my baby in order to avoid any shame, disgrace, and dishonor that can be brought to us, my family, my church family, and everyone who knows me at large.

He gave myself and my potential partner up to end of the week to let him know what our decision is. I've started to pray that God will help us because I know as my father rightly mentioned that I in particular will without doubt face those consequences. But is the life of an unborn precious soul not worth more than that? In addition, how can one use one sin to cure another sin? I believe since we've repented the best way is to get married, so we can altogether live right in the sight of God after all. But that doesn't look like my father's plan and in addition, he said if we don't start all over, he will not give his blessing and both myself and my potential partner believe in parental blessing over one's marriage.

Please do advise me further and please do join me in prayer. My father has given us up to this coming Friday to tell him our decision. Thank you minister, and may God continue to strengthen you in Jesus name.


Answer:

I know you have a lot of respect for your father, which is proper, but in this matter your father is grievously wrong. You are correct that God teaches that a child exists from the time of conception. Consider this statement: "Now indeed, Elizabeth your relative has also conceived a son in her old age; and this is now the sixth month for her who was called barren" (Luke 1:36). Elizabeth had a son at the point of conception. This actually amazing because the Bible affirms that the gender of a child is known at the point of conception. This wasn't a common belief among the pagans of that time. Consistently in the Scriptures babies are referred to with the same terms before and after birth. God makes no distinction between the born and unborn child.

This lack of distinction is important. People rightly become upset when a child is killed. The murder of an innocent child is specifically condemned. "And Hazael said, "Why is my lord weeping?" He answered, "Because I know the evil that you will do to the children of Israel: Their strongholds you will set on fire, and their young men you will kill with the sword; and you will dash their children, and rip open their women with child"" (II Kings 8:12). Moses was born at a time when Pharaoh had order the death of newborn children. "This man dealt treacherously with our people, and oppressed our forefathers, making them expose their babies, so that they might not live" (Acts 7:12). God finds particularly disgusting the murder of innocent people, and there are none more innocent than a child (Proverbs 6:16-17).

Your father wrongly cites the incident with David as justification of killing a child born out of wedlock. He claims that the child was killed because God had no delight in the child. That is false. After the child had died, David said, "While the child was alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, 'Who can tell whether the LORD will be gracious to me, that the child may live?' But now he is dead; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me" (II Samuel 12:22-23). Notice that David expected to join his child after David's death. David knew that the child was with God (i.e. in heaven). That is because children are not held responsible for their parents' sins. "The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20). The child died because God did not want David profiting from his sin nor set an example to the world that God would allow a king's sin go unpunished.

But also take note that whether the child lived or died was God's choice. This is how it always is to be. It is one of the reasons why suicide is wrong -- suicide is man trying to decide when he should die. Since the days of Noah, murder has been wrong and carries the death penalty. "Whoever sheds man's blood, by man his blood shall be shed; for in the image of God He made man" (Genesis 9:6). Abortion is nothing more than the murder of an innocent human being for the disgusting reason that the child's life is an inconvenience.

You are correct, you cannot fix a wrong with additional wrongs. "And why not say, "Let us do evil that good may come"? -- as we are slanderously reported and as some affirm that we say. Their condemnation is just" (Romans 3:8).

Sadly, your father is too concerned with how he appears in the world. He is filled with far too much pride. He would rather have a child murdered than have the truth revealed. Ironically that is why David had Bathsheba's husband murdered, he didn't want his sin revealed, and that led to David's condemnation by the prophet Nathan.

You and your boyfriend sinned. I believe you have chosen the more honorable path of getting married so that the child will have loving parents. The only other acceptable path is to give the child up for adoption so that someone can raise him properly if you cannot.

In regards to marriage, you are an adult. The Scriptures teach, "a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). To have a successful marriage, you have to disconnect from the authority of your parents so you can establish your own family. Who you marry is solely a reflection of your choice in a partner. An adult doesn't need his or her parents' approval to marry. It is nice to have, but it isn't required.

If you are certain that this is the man you wish to marry and live with for the rest of your lives, you two set the wedding day, invite your family, and then it is up to them to decide whether they wish to be a part of your lives and your new family. In other words, you make the best choice that you can, get advice to consider, but ultimately this is your decision. And frankly, the advice you have received from your father is so sinful that I could not trust him for good advice in the matter of who you marry. Seriously. Do you want the blessing on your wedding of a man who thinks killing a baby is a good way to cover up his embarrassment?

It is time for you to grow up. Your father might ask you to leave his home because you are obedient to God. That is his decision. "Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; and 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.' He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me" (Matthew 10:34-36). The decision to honor the Lord by being obedient no matter what is your decision.

I'm glad that you and your boyfriend have repented of your sin. Sins are wrong because they cause problems. God forgives when a person repents (II Corinthians 7:10-11) and confesses to God that he was wrong (I John 1:9). God is faithful in that regard and in all other things that He has said.

Wow! Thank you so very much, first for your time and second for the Word that you have helped me to better understand. I am so grateful and appreciative. I feel more confident in discussing this with my parents. Regardless of their decision, I will do what's best to establish my own family with my boyfriend in order to provide a loving home for our baby to come, if it is God's will. I know I still have to face my pastor, ministers, and possibly be suspended, expressions of disappointments and shame from family, friends, and church members, but all that can't be compared to the precious life of a wonderful gift from God.

Once again, thanks so much and may God continue to endow you with more wisdom and understanding. Additionally, may you continue to be a blessing to this world.

Have a beautiful day, sir.