Question:

Hello,

I often have hard time dealing with my girlfriend. She is 24 and I am 28. I chose her only because of her good character and good education -- she is a medical doctor. Other than those reasons, both of us are Christians. I am not interested other girls. My heart is not beating to any girl, even to my girlfriend right now.

The problem is my girlfriend loves me so much, that she is jealous and wanting my attention 24 hours a day. It became a heavier problem after last year, since I started studying in another country. I feel that what she requires from me is too demanding, even a husband cannot fulfill. I tried to talk and care for her as much as possible while I have free time from classes and whenever I have time, despite being in different time zones, but she is not satisfied.

We have been in a relationship almost two years now, and I am worry that if we continue like this, we might face more quarrels and hurt each other. How do I know she is for me for my whole life? What should I do? Should I not give up on our relationship and trying to love each other, or should I leave her and take time to be alone?

Thank you so much. God bless!


Answer:

The problem is not that your girlfriend loves you too much. The problem is that she isn't fully in love with you. Read I Corinthians 13:4-8 and the articles Love is ... and Love is Different. She has feelings for you, but they are not feelings of love. In a loving relationship, there is no jealousy and lack of trust in the other person. She doesn't think you will stay with her, so she demands all your time in a vain attempt to keep you from being with anyone else. In other words, she is not confident about herself and the relationship you two have.

Your choices are either to give her time to develop such trust, or decide that what you two have isn't developing into love as it should. If you decide the latter, then you need to end the relationship soon. It is not good for her to have hopes when you have none.