Question:

Hello,

I have a question about what the right thing to do is, in a way that pleases God, even though I've already gotten myself in a situation that is not pleasing to Him.

First, I've been in a sexual relationships with my boyfriend since I was 18 (I'm 22 now). I am now pregnant by him. Our relationship hasn't been steady throughout the years. We've been on and off a few times during our whole relationship.

Well I'm pregnant now and my parents are trying to force us to get married. Don't get me wrong, I do love him, but I feel like it's all happening too fast. And I don't know if I'm 100% certain that he is the right man for me. He is also not so thrilled about the idea because it feels rushed. Would marrying him now be the godly thing to do?


Answer:

I find it sad when people take what is supposed to be intimate expression of love between a man and woman committed to each other in marriage and turn it into an act of self-gratification.

What you've told me is that you have been violating God's law by having sex with a guy for the last four years. You recently got careless and now find yourself pregnant. While people are urging you to marry the man you've been fooling around with for the sake of the child, you both object because it is too "rushed." You are willing to have sex with a guy that you really don't like enough to marry; yet, you say you love him. Then after living four years in sin, you ask if it is right to marry the guy you've been sinning with -- I suspect in hopes that I'll say "no," so you can push back the pressure from your family. This isn't about pleasing God, but hoping that God will let you please yourself.

The answer has always been that if you wanted sex, you were to get married. "But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9).

If you want to please God, then the sinning has to stop immediately -- not just the sex, but also the lewd behavior and lustful acts. See: Is it OK to be sexual with someone you will marry soon? You also have to change your mind about what you have been doing. You can no longer accept these things as acceptable, then you will be on your way to repenting of your sins. "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you: what vindication of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what avenging of wrong! In everything you demonstrated yourselves to be innocent in the matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).

I don't know if you've done what God requires of you to become a Christian. Most denominations do not teach the full truth regarding salvation. See: What Must I Do to be Saved? If you had properly become a Christian and had fallen into sin, then on your return to God you need to confess to Him that you were wrong. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (I John 1:9).

How you get married to is up to you. God has good advice on how to pick a good spouse. Whether you heed that advice or not is up to you.

What is probably more important at this time is thought as to the raising of the child you brought into this world by your sins. A child needs loving parents to develop well. Thought needs to be given as to who is going to take care of this child and support this child. It isn't the child's fault that his parents sinned.

Thank you for your advice. I have taken the proper steps to salvation. I actually got baptized less than a year before I began sinning with this guy. I started this sin and became so lost and invested into it, I saw no way out. I guess it was a long series of backsliding. I sometimes would ask for forgiveness and promise not to do it again, but before you know it, I was caught up again.

As for marriage, I think I have to do what is best for my child and I. I cannot allow her to see me stressed out and fighting with someone who doesn't take his faith seriously. I will allow him to be a father to my child until he proves to me that he is not capable of doing even that. I have family that is with me throughout whatever I decide, so I know my child will grow up with the proper love and care she deserves.

But trust me, I have definitely learned my lesson. I've repented of my sins and are now looking to fulfill my God-given destiny.