Question:

Please, I need enlightenment.

I am turning 20 next month. I have always set standards about not having boyfriend yet and keeping myself pure until marriage.

A while back, I met this Christian guy. He is a youth leader in his church, and I am too. We became acquainted with each other and soon became really close friends. We reached to the point of liking each other already, and the feelings continued to grow. I expressed my point on not opening myself yet to a relationship with him, but the thing is we are already in the point of somehow being in a relationship but just unofficial. By the way, he is 25.

The worse thing was we indulged in sexual immorality -- fornication, to be specific. I was very broken, we both were. Where are my standards? Why did all of this happened to me? I regretted the sin. And I felt lost. Several times we decided to cut each other off to prevent our sins, but we always failed. As the situation got worse, my church leader noticed and talked to the both of us about the matter. He advised us to cut each other off. Really, fully, absolutely cut off, with no trace of each other. This is because there is a grave side of the story. Three of us are involved. Me, my best friend and the guy. The situation can be described as two timing. The guy touched my best friend in sexual ways but not really full sex, while with me it was full sex. Of course this is very very hard for me, and my best friend. My church leader gave me the choice, but told me that I may suffer later on if we don't repent and I continue to choose him.

He said he really love me and wants to marry me. I love him too, but I don't want to dwell in sin anymore. He knew he failed, failed so much, but he wants to start new. He decided to confide in his parents. His father is their church's pastor. His parents counseled us. After all the talk, prayers, and discussion, our decision was to be in a committed relationship and get married after 2-3 years. His parents also supported the decision because we are already doing the thing that married people do, so their son is responsible to me already. I want to marry him too at the right time. I want to make things right with him, and put God the center of our relationship. We sin together, we face it together, we repent together and rise up and serve God together.

Our relationship is public now and his parents can guide us, as well as my church leader. About my best friend, we both asked forgiveness from her and expressed our decision. I know it'll still be a process for her. I feel pained too because I feel that I am selfish. I want to know if I'm doing the right thing. I want to please God with my life. I know I have failed too, but I know it's not too late. I desire Him in my life and I want to bring glory to His Name. Please tell me, I don't mind if it's hard teaching as long as it is the truth.


Answer:

You cannot give glory to God by snubbing His laws. It seems everyone in your life is giving advice contrary to God's Law. "Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10). The plain fact is that you are unmarried and having sex -- that is fornication. Yes, you intend to get married in two or three years, but intentions does not change God's law. God did not give such an exception. Worse, so called spiritual leaders, are advocating and approving of this sin. People you know are fine that you are living in sin. "And although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them" (Romans 1:32).

I can say without doubt that you are in churches that have no respect for God. They put their own convenience ahead of the truth. What God taught was that if a couple is having trouble with sexual temptation, before sin is committed they are to get married. "But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9). If you are planning to get married in a few years, there is zero reason you cannot do so immediately and stop this rampant sinning.

When people talk about being leaders in a church and then turn around and justify sin, all they are doing is showing how big of a hypocrite they are. Sin is to be removed, not justified. "What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?" (Romans 6:1-2).

"Everyone who practices sin also practices lawlessness; and sin is lawlessness. You know that He appeared in order to take away sins; and in Him there is no sin. No one who abides in Him sins; no one who sins has seen Him or knows Him. Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the works of the devil. No one who is born of God practices sin, because His seed abides in him; and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. By this the children of God and the children of the devil are obvious: anyone who does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor the one who does not love his brother" (I John 3:4-10).

What then is the right thing to do?

Fornication is not allowed, so you have one of two choices: marry the boy or move out until you can get married.

Thank you. So it is either, I have to marry him now or as soon as possible or break up until we can get married.

Why do you conclude that not living with a boy you are not married to means you have to break up with him? You can see each other and date. You just can't have sex or do the things that lead up to sex.