Question:

Hello,

First, I want to thank you for caring and taking the time to answer questions. My question is kind of half answered and also several in one.

My fiancé and I are divided on the issue of premarital sex. We have never done it, nor have I ever been pressured for it at all. My former reasons and wishes concerning it were respected. He, however, is not a virgin. In recently reading my Bible I have come to believe that sex before marriage is fornication, and that I cannot marry one who is a fornicator unless they have repented of it. Is this correct?

It sounds strange that the question would only have come up recently; however, I was raised to believe premarital sex was bad, but was never taught that it was fornication and had never dug into the issue further.  I have brought up the subject with my fiancé, and he is struggling with it and not in agreement. He was raised in a Christian home; however, his father died at a young age and nobody ever talked to him about anything regarding sex. I feel terrible for it is being taken as if I am judging or condemning him for something he knew nothing about. Yet, the fact still stands that at the time he still has not repented of it. I believe that if we marry I will commit fornication. It hurts very much because I care; yet, when I try to help I seem to cause hurt.

Any advice or thoughts on the situation would be greatly appreciated.


Answer:

Fornication is having sex outside the bounds of marriage. See Sex for details on the definitions and verses. Depending on its use, fornication refers to sex before marriage, but it can also include adultery after marriage.

Fornication will keep a person out of heaven, as will any other sin that is not repented of. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

There is no verse saying you cannot marry someone who has committed fornication. However, marrying someone who thinks there is nothing wrong with having sex with people you are not married to will very likely cause problems in a marriage. It is the lack of restraint and the lack of respect for the marriage covenant that makes such a person a poor choice in a marriage partner.

"The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not bear the guilt of the father, nor the father bear the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself" (Ezekiel 18:20). It is your fiancé who committed fornication, and it is for his soul's sake that he needs to turn away from this sin. You marrying him will not cause you to take on his sin -- such is not possible. I'm positive that you did not learn this from your Bible.

I will be happy to sit down and talk with your fiancé about sexual matters and the Bible, if he is willing to talk to me. I wish to do so because I am interested in his reaching heaven.

Thank you very much for your reply and offer to help. I am still trying to decide what steps to take next and obviously do more biblical research as to what is right. I will let you know if my fiance wishes to discuss the matter along with you or if I have further questions, which is a likely possibility.

Thank you again for not being afraid to address these types of issues as they are often frowned upon or overlooked by churches.