Question:

My girlfriend and I have been sexually active for some time now. We sought out advice from our pastor, who suggested we separate to refocus and rededicate our lives to Christ, so that if and when reunited we would be better equipped to fight off temptation. We didn't follow that advice. Instead we fled. We haven't been to church since and we've fallen deeper into sexual temptation.

Recently my life has been in a downward spiral, and most recently I totaled my car, making it difficult to see my girlfriend. Is this God's way of keeping us from each other, so that we can be healed? I love my girlfriend, and if I were financially stable and living on my own I would marry her today. Our relationship didn't start off sexual. In fact, it was pretty platonic earlier on. I fell in love with who she was, who she is and then I fell into lust with her, which is not the norm for my relationships. Does that mean anything going forward? Is there still hope for us?


Answer:

Since we can't ask God what He has been doing, it is impossible to say what He has or has not been involved in. The Bible demonstrates that men are unable to out guess God.

What we do know is that having sex when you are not married is wrong. "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). It isn't an arbitrary rule. God has good reasons for forbidding it. For example, now that sex has entered your relationship, most likely it has come to dominate what you do with your girlfriend. Where before the focus was getting to know each other as a person, that now takes a backseat to sex, and this isn't how you build a relationship that will last a lifetime.

There are two options: you put the sex, and all the things that lead up to sex, on hold until after you get married, or you get married. "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9). Continuing to sin is not an option if you are going to reach heaven. "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God" (I Corinthians 6:9-10).

Sin is wrong, unresolved it will keep you out of heaven, but sin can be forgiven. It requires that you acknowledge that what you have been doing is wrong (I John 1:9), and that you change your attitude toward the sin and your behavior. It has to be a radical change, so dramatic that someone meeting you five years from now would never guess that you were involved in such sins. "For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter" (II Corinthians 7:10-11).