Question:

I attend a church of Christ in my hometown and I am looking for direction from spiritually mature sources. Without giving unnecessary long details, since I realize how many questions you must receive, I will just get to the point:

I found out about a month ago that my husband is smoking marijuana and has been lying to me about it. We have been married for about a year and a half. He knew how strong my convictions were concerning this matter before we got married. My husband is a Christian and attends a church of Christ. This does not fit in with the rest of his beliefs. He says that he had stopped smoking for a while when he met me, but that he decided it really wasn't harmful for him or anyone else around him. He enjoys doing it, so he started smoking it again periodically several months ago. He insists that he isn't addicted and that God "probably" doesn't want him doing it, but that everyone we go to church with "does something they shouldn't be doing." Basically, his argument is that he doesn't think it's that bad and he could be sinning a lot worse. He says that he does everything he is supposed to do (works a job, goes to church, etc.), so if he smokes a little pot sometimes, it shouldn't be a big deal.

My question ultimately is, how do I handle this as a Christian wife? I feel uncomfortable and insecure in my household since I discovered this. I feel that since my husband lied to me about this, what's to keep him from lying about other matters? He refuses to get any counseling and says that he does not need help. He told me that if I mentioned it to anyone at our church that he would be very angry with me and that it would only make matters worse. This is why I am looking for other sources from those who are part of Christ's church.

My husband and I do not believe in divorce, except in the case of adultery, but how can I have a healthy marriage in this kind of environment? I have thought about separating from him to show that I am serious about this issue but I have been advised by Christian family members that I should remain at my home. I do hope that you have time to answer my question, even if it is only a brief answer.

Thank you so much for your time


Answer:

I find it interesting that he thinks getting high on marijuana is not a big deal, but he doesn't want anyone at church to know about it. For that matter, he didn't want you to know either and he managed to hide it for a while. The fact that he is also violating God's law against lying (Colossians 3:9) is also troubling.

The problem is that smoking marijuana is a sin because it affects a person's ability to reason. "Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ" (I Peter 1:13). See:

Since your husband isn't listening to you, you should get a few of the older men at the congregation to talk to him with you, as per Matthew 18:15-17. You won't be able to force him to quit, but perhaps if he sees that it isn't just you who sees his arguments are foolish, he may decide to quit.